Change?

So when I read through my blogs from when I was in Utah my writing style seemed different .. Idk if it's Just me overthinking

So Being at home has been cool I enjoy the comfort and sleeping in and even my step dad was in "stepford" mode(the movie where the community are robots and are made to be perfect) but it didn't take long for the troll to rear it's ugly head and in this case hearing him complain to my mom for 15 minutes about something insignificant we did.. Oh and guess what.. Since I came back I went to church and already created rumors .. Well maybe not rumors exactly but I guess people got the impression that I didn't want to talk to anyone .. I found it to be absurd especially since I talked to everyone .. But I don't know.. I hope I have matured since I have been gone although if I took anything from Utah it would be mostly a bad example .. Christmas was today but most of the family celebration was yesterday .. To me it didn't feel like Christmas but then again what does Christmas feel like .. While I was in Utah I didn't see any decorated houses .. I didn't watch much tv and didn't hear many Christmas songs but then I get here and it's like bam! Lights and music and all that junk ... It's hard to conceive that this day represents the day that the savior was born ..my family made a cake and read the bible story .. I didn't participate for a number of reasons but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate what God did ... And really it doesn't say to celebrate this day because we should be thankful everyday for being saved from eternal seperation from God.. Well that's all for now.. Who wants to buy me the glee season 1 DVD :D also I need socks haha

Forever and a day...

That's what waiting for Friday feels like.. It's Wednesday and I am lying on my bed wishing I could go back to sleep .. I am dressed and ready but oh how i wish I could sleep ...ok so everyone that's been here for longer then a month calls this place hell I am starting to see the first signs of what they are talking about.. If you don't keep busy you will be bored as heck.. For me I have practically memorized all the songs even moreso then the ones I already knew.. And I have watched all 4 movies and 2 music videos and my 1 episode of glee(I have watched the episode around 4 times already) I don't even have atleast a book to keep busy .. I guess I am ready for the break for the sleep and also taking all the uneeded songs that take up so much memory .... I have also been feeling confused about coming back after break .. We were talking about the trade we will be taking and it seems I was off on how long i would be here.. Unless after trade I want to go to college here which they would pay everything... I mean that's a good deal and I'm learning to be dependant like I should be.. I mean I am 21 I should be out of the house already but I was lazy and screwed up and time just ran laps around me as I just sat there and watched it pass.. This is a first step but i need to see it through .... Something that has crossed my mind is this program in Fresno that has the same trade I am going for but I would be in town but I would be dependant on my mom and fidel.... Right now I see my life in "Fight or fall" Mode.. I can either fight through this place and be here maybe 3 to 4 months or go home, back to where I started and try that other program that I don't know much about .. I haven't been praying or reading my bible that much so I think that's the reason for this doubt ..

Freedom writers

So it's finally Thursday and that means my last day here .. Well technically I have to sleep one more nigh but by 7 tommorow morning I will be waiting at the airport for the plane to take me to my home!!

Lately life for me has been repititious .. It's the same everyday .. I can see why people would get tired of it.. We are trying out our trade of choice mine being "health occupation" we had our first "hands on" experiance .. It was so boring .. We did a packet ad then tried out a blood pressure thing and sat for an hour during that I had no choice but to eavesdrop on this conversation a student and the student instructer were having.. They were talking about all the drugs they have tried and how it made them feel(I know right) I wouldn't want them to work on me or anyone I know of.. Finally that torture was over .. We went to lunch and then back to class where we are watching the movie "freedom writers" I acutally am getting into it.. I have wanted to watch it but I never got a chance but now I got one well it's time to start my day I can't wait till tommorow

Mixed up...

I keep forgetting that this blog thing posts my post in th wrong order.. It happenf on several occasions and since I haven't been on an actual computer I can't do anything about it..

Today is my 3rd week here.. We have a new class and teacher it was soo boring but we ended up going to a museum and lucky me I forgot my camera.. It was the "aerospace museum" it had these huge airplanes they were mostly replicated .. They had the wright brothers plane.. It was pretty cool exept i was mad I didn't have my camera .. When we got back to the dorm i remembered it was payday .. The line was long so I descided to go to the mail room.. It was only. 1.38 to send 2 letters and a post card .. I am glad I got em out.. I then cane back and waited in line to get paid. . I got 55 dollars but they took 24 for taxes and some shirts they provided ..i ended up with 31 so i'm ok with that.. I can use that for gifts .. I can't wait to get home the days seem to pas ls by slow so I look forward to sleep so another day will come..Christmas is just around the corner ... A Christmas tree in the back of a truck reminded me of home and decorations.. Th lights and the smells.. Christmas time is here..


Hark go the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say throw cares away, Christmas is here, bringing good cheer to young and old, weak and the bold... Carol of the bells .. I went from memory so the lyrics might be a little off haha..

If we ever needed you, Lord it's now

Here I am in snow covered Clearfield, Utah ..the white fluffy stuff is everywhere as far as my eyes can see it's silent execpte for the cars passing and the snow melting.. While I was walking snow fell from three trees and hit me as if it was a snowball.. I laughed amused at the thought that it was God messing around the most high playing with his creation.. Haha..I am up early on a weekend because I am going to church .. There was a list of about 25 churches out of those i seen 2 with the word baptist .. I ended up choosing "first baptist church of Ogden" sounds good right? Lol.. Next Sunday I will be in my home church I can't wait..

Tap tap

Well I am back to making up random post titles haha.. Lately I have been having a great time my roomates make me laugh alot although a huge majority of the things they talk about of sex .. It's so funny though cAuse Jessie one of my roomates he says whn I lay down I look like I am posing for a picture haha he says it's the "gay pose" haha I think I lucked out on rooms because our room has cool people but we are always having someone come in usually to bother us but it usually leads to something funny .. My iPod has become our entertainment.. My roomates like to play tap tap or make their own it's fun but now a guy that has been known to steal came in and tried once .. I kinda nervouse so I am going to keep my iPod on me at all times...

I keep counting down until we leave for break and now it's closer then ever..I want this week to fly by and thn when I am on my break I want time to go as slow as possilbe ..well that's all for today

Adaptation

I noticed that I haven't had much complaints.. I mean about other people of course like when I complain how my brother annoyed me or my step dad I guess that's good but I still miss them..I was going through my. Older posts when I was worried about my friends and basically saying "what would they do without me" haha.. I have come to the conclusion that they don't need me.. I need them.. Of course I miss the laughter and fun times but all of our lives still go on.. I just hope it won't be wierd when I return..


So I have found the time to actually post at 6:21 In the morning.. I usually actually get it uploaded by 5:45 in the evening but it's ok but the this is I have to remember what I did yesterday..
A day here consists of waking up by 5:30 showering, walking to the office to sign in, coming back to the room to clean and make my bed(everyone is up doing this) then I wait till 7 and walk to the class I have.. We are in there until 3:45. Then we come back here and have a thing called "group" and after that we are pretty much free to do whatever .. There are plenty of things to do.. Like swim,pool(billiards),basketball,volleyball,computer gaming, and alot more to keep busy.. My personal favorite is comeing back to my room and napping till 5:30 they we can leave the campus .. And I head for the gas station for the free wifi for an hour .. But yea it's not like a prison it feels like a college campus atomosphere there are 4 dorm buildings there are 3 nice new ones and 1 not so new old one.. Guess which one I got .. According to people the best dorm is aptly named "the Hilton" and the one I happen to be in "the ghetto" haha.. Owell it's nice and we have our own bathroom
Well now I must begin my day :D

Stop counting

Well I've grown used to the plan I made.. What I mean is I didn't really prepare myself emotionally I just went around saying "yea 2 years" like it was nothing but in actuality after my first 10 days I was ready to throw in the towel.. I keep weighing the pros and cons of going home and being here and they both have there good things but in the long run this will be the best thing for me.. I actually haven't been struggling with the same problems here than at home.. I also see that I took alot for granted ..I didn't do many chores at home it was just wash dishes and trash..but here we are assigned chores .. It ranges from bathrooms - vacuuming .. An not just our room sometimes we get assigned the bathrooms that other dorms use.. Cleaning up after over 15 guys is not too fun haha.. I've sorta got the waking up down .. What is it they say "it takes 30 days to make a habit" .. Well I'm at 8 so far haha..I'm sure my sleeping habits will change when I get home .*sigh* home.. How i miss little things .. From the coffee aroma in the morning to my nephew walking in my room asking for my iPod.. I practically went cold turkey from tv .. I watched tv for like 5 minutes on Saturday when I had to washed clothes.. I miss glee!! Today is the last episode until April.. I read that somewhere.. Well when I get home I will watch them.. It's 6:44 and my day is just about to start.. :D

Day 8

Already! Well it feels as if the weekend flew by and even though I got to sleep in I ended up waking up at 9 .. I am so tired .. I forgot how much it hits you when your not used to mornings .. The last few days have been pretty cool I've been getting involved with stuff to keep myself busy so I don't think about how many days left until break.. It's been snowing since Saturday I haven't grown accustommed to walking in it although I haven't slipped thank God .. The fluffy white stuff is everywhere and even though there isn't any where I live I am already tired of it.. I think the coldest it's gotten was 12 degrees ..oh wow did I feel a differance ..

Last night I had a dream I was back home I was just in time for a Christmas program at our church I seen moises and elly and benji first as I walked I noticed everyone else.. That was pretty much my dream but being home felt so good ..well I can't wait till I am back on the plane back to Fresno .. Although I hope the weather clears up by then...

5th day

So it hasn't Been that bad exept for the occasional homesickness one thing that worries me is that we can only take one bag home an had to be under 50 pounds ..I camer here with 2 bags with around 40 pounds hopfully I can fit everything bad into one bag oh yea and it's snowing!

I didn't post yesterday(not that it matters without wifi) but it was Friday which being here means kicking back and hearing all the drunk people talk ..I went to the store to catch the wifi it was packed so I ended up standing I updated all the sites and got some snacks and headed back some of my roomates were here so I climbed on my bed (oh I don't think I mentioned I sleep on bunk beds and I had the top) I usually chill up here ..oh how I miss my bed.. Things at home seem to be going well I called home and nothing seemed different.. I am semi used to waking up at 5:30 every morning everyone doesn't get up till 5:45 so I like taking my time ..I have some good outcomes of being here and also some worrysome ones but I'm sure I'll get over them.. Time is going to slow I am trying to keep my Mind off the break but people keep counting down the days..

Day 3

Today went by good all the "first weeks" go through this process of tests and letting us know some more info about the center ..I am still trying to avoid all the secondhand smoke I pray I don't get lung cancer .. And in our room my roomates are cool but they cus so much and I find my self slipping but in my head haha oh today we had a swim test but I was dissapointed because we had to swim arcoss the width of the pool and I was done in lest then a minute i was going to come back but then I heard the best news ever my roomates told me about the gas station across te street off campus that has free wifi I waited a minutes and then headed for it ..I come to find out that the 1 hour leaves(that's all we get) don't start till 5:30 so I came back to the room seeing it was only 4:20 I watched a movie but I couldn't enjoy it because I kept checking the time I headed back around 5:20 and there was a line forming so I took my place and waited finally I got to the gas staion and I was ecstatic to find out that it was true .. I posted my blogs checked myspace and texted..seeing as I only had an hour it flew by .. I bought chapstick because my lips are super chapped .. I came back and stayed in my room I passed the time on my iPod and started feeling weary about my descison on staying or going i would feel like a failure but I m reading this book about Christmas but I came across how we are selfish beings try to control our own lives and end up missing out ..I have to admit I came here with the worst intentions although I haven't done anything there are plenty of traps around campus.. Well I have been pyaing and reading so Im leaving it in Gods hands oh and "I MISS GLEE" ugh I won't be able to see it next week either and the hour ahead difference here doesn't help because I think it comes on earlier .. I don't remember though.. I haven't watched tv since I got here I was having myspace withdrawals haha I got my fix today but started feeling homesick.. Christmas break is around the corner I can't wait :D

Day #2

Well I got through my second day today was all medical shots and vitals the whole 9 yards I then we got to meet some "important people" like the center director ..i have also concluded that there is no accesible wifi in the area .. The ones that I picked up were locked and I guess it was the directors or something.. So I will keep blogging but all my posts will come up at one time whenever I get in a hot spot which doesn't seem like anytime soon .. I am having doubts I mean the people are alright but everywhere you go there are smokers I won't be suprised if I end up getting lung cancer there is so much second hand and the grounds reeks of the smell.. There are designated smokers areas but doesn't look like anyone takes it serious. ..bleh.. And from what I hear people my age get tired of this place because the first month is pretty much preperation.. I played with the thought of calling it quits but it's only my second day and had all that commotion with me leaving.. Would the smoking and other minor problems be enough to justify going home? Idk..

Utah!!!

So I don't know where to start .. Ok so. I could not sleep last night for nothing i woke up around 6 and stayed lying in bed thinking about what my trip and the plane was going to be like.. I was packed I got to the airport and it went smooth I got on the plane and it was nothing I enjoyed it although I didn't get window seat and the person sitting next to me was kinda annoying but I got through it I got my luggage it took about an hour for everyone to arrive because there was like 13 more people going to the same place we got on a bus and headed to eat pizza .. After another 45 minute drive we got to the campus .. It's awesome . Way more then I expected .. I seriously need a laptop.. There is a gaming room, theatre, full gym and so much other stuff.. It's cold but my sweaters worked good .. I have a room with 5 other guys 3 of them are so funny but constantly talk dirty .. The other 2 are wierd.. One suppsosedly talks to himself and the other guy is new to and is odd but he is kids my first friend haha his name is "Oleg" but his nickname is Lego.. He's cool but says some random stuff .. Well today was awesome I should have brung my phone because these guys are cool almost everyone has some sort of electronics and a majority of people are gamers and hackers ..

I don't know how to end this my mind is so scattered so bye for now :D

To anxious to sleep

It is exactly 6:44 and I am not sure if I even slept.. I think I dreamt for about 5 minutes and then was back rolling over struggling for comfort.. Ugh..

Well yesterday was my suprise going away party even though I would normally complain about not making it a big deal I was happy I got to actually have a formal good-bye .. Wow what a party it was.. I was good walking up to the building I was good seeing everyone there then when I seen my mom i could see her trying to be strong wether it be for me or not to make a scene but I could tell I walked to give her a hug but I felt my phone vibrate I seen it was my sister so I answered, she asked all the normal questions cause I guessing forgot to claryfy but she knew I was leaving in the middle of the call my voice started quivering.. I shook myself to get a grip and got through the call then at the end she says to keep in touch because my neice and nephew look up to me and will miss me .. I did my best to calm my voice but once I said by I knew it was over ..this whole time since I found out I was leaving I didn't cry I didn't want to. But all my emotions started to flood through! I was freaking crying and in front of alot of my friends I knew I had to get it together so I ran to seclude myself I am glad Noone saw I took deep breathes and I was good but my eyes told otherwise I walked back not knowing what to say about my leaving or my bloodshot eyes so I hesitated going back in.. I then see my mom I ask her for some eye drops once I had them in I hoped they would relieve the redness but then I see my mom crying .. I was on the brink of losing it she hugged me and I should have told her I loved her but it was all I could do to not start balling(extreme crying) but I cringed my teeth and fought it although stray tears would come I knew the jig was up and people would see I had cried.. It took a good 15 minutes for me to shake it off and have regular conversations with people as I watched there eyes stare with this look as they seen my teary bloodshot eyes.. I tried to lighten the mood and tried to be humorous and it finally paid off.. The night went well and I took alot of pictures said alot of good-byes.. It felt so strange and awkward but it was sort of like closure..

Good -bye for now I hope to keep blogging I wad given a neat journal but would feel primitive using it .. Haha
Adios until the search for a good wifi hot spot Is over :)

(I love you mom)

Hero

The surrealness of my situation is finally going away and the reality is hitting and hitting hard.. Of course I am reffering to my leaving to job corps which is located In clearfield Utah ..I haven't really been thinking about how I am going to actually not see some people for a long while.. I got alot of goodbyes and good lucks that may have been the reason..but my time was short and there was one more person I needed to say goodbye to ..I didn't know how to approach her so I told her daughter to be like "mom guess what" haha it worked perfectly..I got the usual reaction "why" "how long" where" but then it got silent an I made eye contact I seen tears welling up in her eyes .. I immediatly looked away because that's as contagious as a yawn to me.. So I tried to compose myself I looked up and smiled it didn't help that people were around so elly says "see everyones gonna miss you " after that encounter I was sorta in a daze for the rest of the day .. I am so dramatic i feel like doing things as if I was going to die..

Today was a good day.. I was awaken by my mom asking if I was going to ride with them I tried to shrug but then drifted back in my slumber..then I woke up again to my sister turning on the light I guess she was checking if I was here.. I looked at the time and ha to get up if I wanted to get a ride to church.. I dressed and soon I was at church.. It was break time and everyone was in the sanctuary so I took my normal seat and watched the worship team practice .. Flash forwad to after church.. I said alot of good byes and then the encounter happened and then we left .. My sister took us to eat an then to old navy after we headed to Moises house because we were going to buy a new rockband game and I have been wanting to play it because it has alot of newer songs..we got to the store and got the game we got to his house and started the game we were hurrying because it would be my first and only time playing it until I come back for Christmas ..we played until it was time for night church and we went.. I went back into my daze.. I don't even remember the topic..well I do remember something about a "biblical superman" yea ..so I came home and cleaned making as much room for victor and storing all my stuff ..oh ew the worst part of my whole situation is the stress .. I has made me break out ..great.. Hopefully the clearsil somehow works wonders.. I want good first impressions haha :D

Thankgiving

Today I awoke to the aroma of many things being cooked and reheated..It was Thanksgiving the smells lingering through the air it what woke me up but I wanted to sleep.. I was then startled by the light .. it was my brother as he got up and collected the clothes he would wear and headed for the shower..I rolled over and grabbed my ipod. the clock read "9:32" .. hit the myspace and Iknights apps and updated them.. then I grabbed for the remote and turned on the tv.. I found myself watching "Tom and Jerry"... I dont really care for that cartoon but I wasnt really watching just more of waking up and letting my eyes adjust.. Victor came into the room so I took that time to take my shower.. I didnt know what to wear so i through on some jeans and an old faded black t-shirt.. Time passed and I changed into something more "Formal".. as people started arriving... soon we were all at the tables eating ..at the end my plate was empty and I was stuffed.. my stomach most likely has stretch marks I now know what a "food baby" feels like.. haha.. I lied on my bed to let the food settle .. my niece was kept me company but she was playing an online chat site where she dresses her avatar... I wanted to sleep just to forget about my fullness but I took to trying to beat a score on a game .. I finally beat it and by this time our house was almost cleared of people.. just immediate family was here now.. I helped clear the chairs and tables and then retreated back to my room because I was hoping that I could take a nap.. I changed into pajamas and lied in my bed.. sleep didnt come but I did make a playlist.. it has "Nap songs".. which included any slow melodic songs christian and non.. by this time the clock hit 7 and I spent time watching tv and on my ipod.. my sister then called me to say she was leaving which meant I had to come in her room and keep an eye on her son while she goes out and endures the chaos of "black Friday" I am hoping to get atleast 3 shirts out of it.. haha... Today was a day to give thanks for all your blessings.. I mostly thought about how thankful I was to have such awesome people come through my life... I thought about alot of people and how they Effected my life .. some big..some small.. some close friends ..some acquaintances ..but all had good roles :D

Grace

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time -Barlowgirl -I need you to love me

I really like that song.. So lately I haven't been posting because either lack of will or not being here.. This week has been hectic and with thanksgiving tommorow it's not likely to slow down..I have recently been so caught up In packing I have noticed a steep decline in my spiritual life..lack of conviction,prayer, but the surrealness of this whole situation of mr moving out of state has barely hit me..and not in a big way..which made me think about this flaw I have.. I am numb..I don't have emotions about alot of stuff.. Change comes easier than natrual..I just role with the punches but stay stagnent and just go about living..I keep having dreams that my family is pushing me out.. Like my brother Boxing all my clothes and taking my bed out of the room .. It's a little weird cause when I got up today I noticed he moved my dressers to the bottom and his to the top..i lost my train of thought and stood there staring at my brothers clothes for almost a full minute..I daydreamed alot today..it was a beautiful day..peaceful...I reminiced about alot of things ...today we had a thanksgiving service at church.. I went partly to tell more people about my departure..I ended up babysitting my sisters son..which turned into 8 kids.. They seemed to settle while watching Dora but when it came to veggie tales all hell broke loose and paper airplanes were going into eyes ..yes.. It was chaos.. I talked to an old friend and ended up catching the last 20 minutes of the sermon.. I was more distracted by the lack of formality..kids everywhere screaming .. Youth talking .. But I can't blame them..it was a 2 and a half hour service..it ended and I had the beginings of a headache.. I tried to steere clear of any people but it was easier because they were all busy talking to each other.. I finally came home and rested... I'm not looking forward to the chaos that will ensue tommorow as we celebrate thanksgivng but my personal thankfulness is on my mind..I am mostly thankful to God for his grace on me despite me..

Happy thanksgiving

Remember me

Ok so lately I have been talking about my departure almost like non stop on my blogs it's hard not to because thoughs of it consume my mind for a majority of my day.. But I do find the reaction to my leaving interesting.. For most of my friends it was a "why" and they got this blank look on there face as they look down for a second then go on about a scenario of me returning with a wife and possible kids haha.. I didn't expect people to go all crazy get sad and emotional But there is one friend in particular ..when she heard she seemed apathetic .. She hasn't said I would be missed or anything.. I considered us close she was like a little sister but it seems she could care less.. Maybe I'm over thinking it…

today I woke up earlier than usual to the sound of a vacuum .. It was my mom .. She has started "spring cleaning" ikr.. It's in large part because we will be having thanksgiving here.. Yippy right?( I wonder if Jesus used parables as sarcasm??) haha .. But yea she has been cleaning everything.. I got up reluctant at first until I remembered it was Thursday and that meant the Christian club at sunnyside high school .. It also meant I got to see my old friend which we planned to hang out this lunch time but I didn't see her so I headed to the club.. They showed a video and a guy gave his testimony.. It was over and I began chatting with everyone(elly jose Moises and their 4 friends) the bell rang and I walked with jose to his class until I ran into my friend she was mad I didn't wait so I agreed to walk her to her class.. We reminiced and she reminded me of this super embaressing yet ellaborate story I came up with instead of addmitting I liked her.. This was ling ago but I was laughing and kicking myself for saying something so stupid.. We got to her class and said our goodbyes.. As I left I felt bad that I didn't tell her it would likely be the last time I would see her ..I walked to the front gate and proceeded to walk home... I forgot how far it actually was . My iPod estimated an hour walking I actually didn't notice between my thoughts my iPod and pain in my feet keeping me occupied.. I got home drank like a gallon if water and waddled to my sisters computer.. I got some music and uploaded a new pic .. My mom asked if I wanted to go get a haircut.. I said yes so we headed off .. I got it cut and at first I was like ewe but then once the gel was in place I felt satisfied ...I returned home again and by this time my niece and nephew were out of school fast forward and they got picked up and soon me and my sister were off to worship practice .. They did their thing ad I chatted with jose .. His mom asked me questions about my leaving and after the singing was over I chatted with elly and Saul.. I left and once again was in my room .. I ate a small dinner showered and washed dishes.. Sleep time.. :D

Hold my heart

I find music to be very persuasive(I don't know if that's the right word) but how it seems it can manipulate your feelings to extremes how a song can encourage, discourage, covict, even make feelings like hate,sadness, happiness or even love to become as if on steroids.. Love songs can make you relate lyrics to a person you are crushing on, sad songs push you deeper into a depression or to the brink of tears..happy uplifting songs can make you want to dance around or strut around as if your all that and a bad of chips.. Pardon my expression for being so 1990's haha .. I have experianced all these emotions from listening to songs.. I am a big fan of music.. All types of music.. If
I hear something I feel as if I need to. Hear and examine the lyrics beats ,rythem and usually the message of the song.. I am a Christian but I am very eclectic in my taste of music.. My iPod has theist randomest artists from "lil Wayne" to "Taylor swift" and "demi lovato". I don't like that much rap because the lyrics get a little much from the sex innuendos ..Christian music Is a large majority of my iPod song list .. I like to listen because unlike secular music Christian music has a way of relating to everyone personally because everyone goes through struggles .. And the upbeat uplifting songs just feel awesome to sing aloud and it is praise to God and it just brings about a joy in your heart..i got lost in where I was headed with this rant.. I just wonder if I let music make me into who I am throughout the day..

Today I wasnt feeling to good so I stated in bed until
12 then I took a shower and got a rush of ..cockyness idk I guess that's the word to describe it.. I got the urge to walk to 711 so I put in my new shoes to break them in.. I put on my iPod and played my "power mix" which is filled with songs that make me want to dance haha.. I made it the end of the street and my feet started hurting.. It was my shoes .. I endured the feeling which turned to pain by the time I reached the light.. The walk Is 30 minutes from my house but I got to the store and forgot about the pain in my feet..I walked to the chi aisle and looked over all the brands until I found my guilty pleasure .. Hot cheeto puffs .. I picked up a bag and I must have been in my own world because I didn't notice a girl standing next to me so when I turned to grab a soda I practically ran into her .. I first noticed her smile..she has brown long wavy hair and these dark brown eyes she was cute we made eye contact and smiled and I apologized she smiled and said it was ok we then had one of those things where you try to walk but they go the same way left,right,left, right.. We laughed and I let her go .. I chuckled to myself and walked to the beverages and grabbed a coke .. I headed for the cashier and it just so happened so was she I let get go first I noticed she had a bag of hot Chetto puffs I smiled to myself until my ringtone shocked me out of my
moment.. As luck would have it my ringtone was set to this ghetto song about a chewing on bubble gum(if you've seen Paul blart mall cop you know the ringtone he had) I quickly reached for my phone and seen it was my cousin.. I hit reject because I don't think talking would have lessened the embaressment.. I heard her and the cAshier chuckle and I smirked and tried not to turn tomato red .. She got her change and headed out the door .. The cAshier must have noticed me staring because I had not responded to him telling me the price.. I apologized and paid the man.. I left the store thinking about the encounter and kicked myself for not being outgoing enough to ask for a name or even push for a number but this wasn't a movie so I doubt another encounter would happen and I will be leaving so it wouldn't matter... I got home and ate my snacks .. My brother got home and then I got a call to pick up some information about my flight schedule ..by the time I got back my niece and nephew were here we watched tv and it was soon time for church my sister dropped us off and I went to class because everyone seemed to be in class already .. We had a study about the second coming of Jesus which was interesting .. Class ended and I was excited for glee and so was Moises whom has also taken to watching the fox show .. I got home and played with my dogs until it started.. After it was over I showered and started thinking about the laundry I have to do tommorow.. But now it's time for sleep :D

Adoration

Today I was uber excited because one of my favorite bands released their new album and of course I had already got the pre buy so I Just had to go pick it up.. My day started off well enough.. I got a good nights sleep finally without any middle of the night wake ups.. I got ready and seen my mom doing yardwork I headed to the shower and I started thinking about something that has been on my mind which is who do I really have to tell I am leaving.. If I wanted I could just go and let my family do that hard work.. But I wouldn't want people to feel as if I didn't care about them to atleast say goodbye .. I got dressed and watched tv .. My mom asked if I wanted to go get the cd so I eagerly said yes and we left for the store . It was quick in and out and I held the cd in my hand I laughed to myself because my first thought was that I needed to get home to put the songs on my iPod and then the cd would just become practically useless but the cover art is awesome ..we then headed to target to look for a jacket because apparentyl it's atleast 30 degrees colder in utah! Aah that's gonna suck but it's ok I think humans by nature adapt.. I didn't get a jacket but I got shoes so I put them on because I needed to break them in.. I got home and seen my nephew playing outside.. I guess he was sick so they let him out early he didn't look to sick throwing around a soccer ball I got dissapointed at first until i flashed back to my many "sicknesses" haha.. I headed to the computer and began the copying.. I also got caught up on this web show I like to watch called "the guild" the time flew by and my Bruce and nephew were picked up as usal.. It was Now 6:30 and The rest of my day consisted of listenening to my new cd. .. And as usual casting crowns did not dissapoit.. I was hit with sadness,conviction,encouragment, and then had a couple new favorite songs haha.. I showered and I am feeling a headache coming on.. Hopefully I can stay healhy and dodge the dreaded h1n1.. Goodnight people :D

it's Official

I really want to keep this updated bacause it's fun to just write out thoughts, emotions and just dumb rants it a release .. Today I got the call informing me that I will be leaving Fresno to Utah .. The long awaited and anticipated call.. I will be leaving the 1st of december I estimated as much.. I am a little apathetic about the whole situation I wouldn't say I'm excited but I wouldn't say I am not but I do get giddy( a rush of excitment and disbelief) the only downside is the packing.. What a hassle.. But I'm ready to go.. I have recently started telling people and my friends mom looked sad when she was told.. It was Moises mom she is practicaly like a mom to me we are always at his house not as much vice versatile but we do come here on occasion.. But I am glad I told them they are like family .. I have a couple more people to tell so blah to that... These past few days have been fun I want to leave here with people remembering me for the happy go lucky, high spirited person. I am.. Not to be extremly pessimistic but the plane could crash.. But I'm not about pessamism(now the autofill doesn't work) but optimism Is my usual route.. I really home this change jumpstarts the motivation and determination and drive to reach for any goals I make ..change is inevitable so when I think of how much people can change in the time I am gone makes me wonder.. Will I come back to the same happy croud or to people that have become strangers over time.. Idk not important.. This post didn't have a point that I can thing of but I am looking toward to updates on here whenever I find a good wifi hot spot :). Oh and is writing a will type thing being pessamistic??

I've had enough of living life for only me

Today brings me One step closer to death..... Haha just kidding although it is technically true today was the bat day if my week bar none.. I woke up with anticipation because today was the day I was going to be a guest speaker at my brothers high school Christian club.. I prepared a little in advance just as to what I would say.. I actually had a rough draft written out and I typed the final today.. It was kinda humorous because I actually timed my speech and was happy that it averaged about 7 minutes .. A good time for a lunchtime meeting .. So I typed my guide up and prayed for God to calm my nerves and before I knew it I was walking up to the school.. In my head I had a mix of praying and singing.. Haha this is random but I recently got that Miley Cyrus song "party inthe USA" when I actualy listened to it I thought "aww she was nervouse about being in a new place and seeing that she sticks out And she gets nervous but she hears a song and it helps her get over it " i found it encouraging until I found out she didn't write it and had actually never heard a jay z song which is is one of the lyrics..I am still semi crushed about it but whatever Hannah bannana!!

Oh back to my day haha.. So I got into the class room I had met up with Elly which was good because she helped me forget my nerves for a while .. My other friends got their and it was time..I got through my "sermon" even though I was literally shaking and it showed in my voice but ad I sat down I got slot of good job whispers ad thumbs up I felt like I did mediocre until this girl came up and introduced herself and said how she was depressed and said how she was encouraged by the chapter I read from .. I have today that made my day I was so happy because i had prayed specifically for that and God worked through me so I left feeling giddy haha so when I seen an old friend I gave her a hug tighter then usual haha.. I then left the school in high spirits I came home and spent my time on my sisters computer and texting .. Watched my Greys anatomy and around 6 I headed to worship practice ad watched elly and zabdi sing.. After that I came home and time flew as I myspaced the day is over and I still am all smiles about God showing me once again "I got this" hahaha

My heart aches

Ok so I think I mentioned that I was going to be leaving the state to go into this program.. I have yet to tell everyone even though I could be leaving by the end of this month .. I go along .. Smiling and laughing with the people the bring me joy and happiness in my life .. When I think of all the stuff I will be missing.. Birthdays, special occasion.. Growth. I see my neice and nephews and friends and wonder how much they will change in the time I am gone .. I act like I'm do important that people can't live without me.. I really feel that way.. Not like I'm special but how people look up to me.. How kids come to me because they know I will give them attention ..today I have heard my name called out numerous times just to get me to look and wave.. This trip is going to be hard I'm only going for 2 years but I will miss everyone..

Ok so this weekend was a great one .. Saturday my sisters and their kids packed up and headed to pismo beach.. My brother and 2 friends are in band and they had to perform and compete .. We wanted to go watch for the day so my parents left Friday and we went for the day Saturday .. We arrived and it was breezy but the weather was warm so it was nice a good change from the usual ugly overcast and cold that I usually experiance ..we took forever to find a parking since this band thing had schools coming from over 20 schools.. We finally parked and found a place to sit and watch.. Victors school eventually passéd I took pics and it was over so we headed to eat and did some walking .. I seen my brother and friends so I talked with them for a while they were kinda dissapointed that they got 3rd. I left and we went for some frozen yogurt that I have been raving about since I had the first taste .. I got cookies and cream., cheese cake, and pumpkin pie they were all so delicious .. After we walked in some shops and then headed for the beach.. I got knee deep in the water but I didn't have a change of clothes so that was my limit.. I helped my nephew fly his kite.. While we were there I seen what seemed to be a newlywed couple on the beach.. The reason I think so was they had a photographer taking shot of them "frolicking on the sand " haha my favorite was when a huge wave brung the water so close to soaking them but they all ran for it haha.. Soon the sun set and we headed home.. I slept good but was hoping I wasn't to tired for church..

I woke up before my alarm.. But it turns out that I would have anyway because it was set for pm but I showered and got ready once my brother was ready we drove to church .. I went to class and found it rather bland.. I feel bad but my patience with a certain "fellow student" is wearing thin.. From his off topic comments that are humored by the teachers to his rather pathetic and unfunny attempts at jokes.. I don't think I will be attending anymore ... After Sunday school was over I headed to break where I was gretted with Hugs from my used to be students when I was a teacher.. I started talking to people adm then to my suprise my friend Julia was there .. A good suprise none the less since she hasn't been to the church in over a year.. We talked and she went around catching up with all the people she remembered .. It was time for service so we sat through that I was happy during worship because my friend elly was singing .. I sorta helped push her into doing it by saying if you go I'll go.. I didn't go but she didn't get mad she Just wants me to keep my word and go up next time... I want to but even though I tell myself it doesn't matter If people say I can't sing I'm not doing it for them.. But I'm scared they might say that haha.. Idk I'll get over it.. The sermon ended and I made plans to hang out with Moises ..Julia invited herself as usual but her and her husband wanted to go the the swap meet first so I went with them .. The plans fell through and I ended up taking them home.. I came back home and then Moises called and wanted to come .. My parents had barely got back from their camping so they were to tired for company .. So we went to his house where we ended up skipping night church and playing Moises game.. We came home around 9 and I passed time on my iPod.. Now it's time for sleep my favorite thing to do.. Release my subconcious.. Dangerous yet entertaining :D

Fork in the road

Life can be manipulated by daily choices the simplest of descisions can change the outcome of your day.. Being a believer in God I "learned" he is in control .. But I also know we have freedom of choice .. I see it as he has a plan for everyone but I get stumped when let's say a 15 year old gets pregnant for bad descions but the baby ends up becoming a doctor or the next huge evangelist .. God seen that future way before the 15 year old even Met the guy .. Right?? Idk it'd hard to conceive things like that my example was dramatic but I always feel like "is this the right choice" is it what God wants.. I honestly don't know.. I have come into a huge descion and it is falling into place but I still have doubts .. Actually every other thing I had planned as backups have already fell through so I guess all signs point to yes.. It will be a big change but if I leave it to God it will al work out for the best.. Right??


Today was simple .. I took my 3 dogs for a walk our usual route and atleast this time only one got off it's collar ..it happened twice And we were by the busy street as usual.. It's so annoying cause it happens and they sit there looking at me and I hurry and put it back on before they make a run for it (which has never happened thank God) but I'm usually quick but I wonder what people In the cars waiting at the stop lights think.. I got home and got something for lunch and I noticed my sister wasn't here so I took the opportunity to download the latest music .. I also worked on this video project for a lady at church .. By this time it was 3 and I took a break and ended up watching tv .. I heard the kids so I knew it was around 4:30 I made them a snack and we watched tv as they filled me in on their day at school .. They were soon picked up and I was craving hot chettoes so bad and the walk would be good but time passed and I settled for cookies and milk.. I watched the celebrity updates and then I got a call from Saul he filled me in on all the stuff e was up to and we talked rumors because lately people are scrounging for anything they can talk about and we find it amusing and annoying.. We finished talking and I went to take a shower This Is random but oh how I love the water pressure in our shower .. It's strong enough when the spray hits it sorts massages and when you are washing your hair it actually gets all the soap quickly unlike some peoples shower that practically drizzles and takes forever to wash your hair .. Anyway I'm off to sleep hopefully only pleasent dreams for me as well for my reader it isn't a push not using plural since I don't think anyone reads hahaha. Good night :D

Fame

Lately I noticed I have been watching those shows that give you all the celebrity updates and latest scandals and it's weird but I keep thinking of how I want to be famous .. Name up in lights, everyone knows your name .. The paparazzi I could live without becUse they would get the worst pics of me haha oh and I'm like addicted to this song by lady gaga(I know right) I mean she is infamous for numerous things hut her music is catchy .. The song it's "Fame" it talks about how she is addicted to fame and how people idolize celebrities ..a lyrics from the song goes "all we care about is runway models cadilacs and liquor bottles" that's what hollywods image basically is the super skinny latest scandels and pricy cars with the run in with rehab every now and then.. I would like to be famous but not for a scandel but for something good .. Like acting or something .. Idk just something that comes to mind when I imagine life that way :D

today started off slow .. I finally got the solution to sync my iPod which was obvious but I'm glad I thought of it eventually I watched my tv shows which take a majority of the day but I have to watch my self because if I do let myself get to caught up my day gets wasted because the shows run a good 12-4 yea.. Around 3 I started getting restless needing to do something but then i got a call from my sister who asked if I could tAke the kids (my niece and nephew) to sanger .. I Said ok and then got some new songs for my iPod while I waited for the kids to get here .. They got here around 5 and I was still trying to get everything synced back onto my iPod so we didn't leave until 5:30 i dropped them off at my aunts and headed back to Fresno .. I enjoy the drive because I am usually blasting the music and singing loudly but stopping when a car gets in viewing range so not to look crazy haha.. But I got home and wanted to take a walk since I was imobobile all day .. I had an idea to wher I was headed when I left after I was by a park close to my house I got a call from Moises we talked about some stuff and I just so happened to be 5 minutes from his house so he suggested I stop by so I did we talked and I scared his younger brother accidentaly because I was talking about the movie "paranormal activity" but he got over it when I handed over my iPod.. We talked more then I left because I still had to walk back.. I got home in good time and tuned into a show I like very much called "Chelsey lately" she is so funny .. But now I'm lying in bed practically dozing off .. I can't wait till next year ..

Eww

I haven't blogged in a while but nothing special hasn't happened besides Halloween haha that's why I just want this blog to be about my weekend

Friday wasn't to special I basically went to an interview I'm excited about but at the time was so nervous and practically prayed all day for my nerves to be calmed .. I got it over with and felt like it went good .. Later on that day I visited a friends church I took my friend zabdi and her brother because they would help me feel more comfortable it was pretty cool a change from the usual.. I actually had my room to myself when I got home becAuse my brother was in Selma on some band thing I actually had the best sleep ever it was great..

Saturday I stayed in bed until 10 and then started getting ready because it just so happened to be Halloween and I had agrees to attention my aunts annual party and of couse costume was nessasary.. I went as a vampire haha it was awesome .. I spent hours trying to put my fangs on since I ruined the adhesive they came with.. I settled with hot glue which molded to my tooth but didn't stick.. 6 o'clock came and I headed off to Sanger the party was good I helped by handing out candy at first ..the party died down around 3 and I was not happy about waking up early to drive back to Fresno for church but I did my best to fall asleep

Sunday I woke up and felt exaugsted but as soon as I heard starbucks I perked up and i headed to the coffee place with my cousins we got there and I was in my own little world enjoying my usual mocha frappacino we walked back and soon after me and my cousin pearl were driving back to Fresno to make it for break cause we missed Sunday school .. We got to church in good time I met up with Moises and we talked ..service was egh but it was over .. I also heard some rumors but they are so obviously made from people having nothing better to do and looking for anything to try and gossip about.. Out of nowhere I had this explosion of hyperness haha I would have said Burst but it was way more then that.. I was acting borderline immature but in the way where I don't say anything serous and just say randomness .. I got looks from alot of peolple it could have been my fangs or it could have been the fact that I was wearing gym shorts over my jeans.. I don't know haha but after talking to people everyone left and Moises invited me to his house to play rockband and we did and ended up watching paranormal activity ... To be honest my heart rate sped up on a few parts but mostly from the hype I heard .. I knew what was coming but didn't know when haha.. After the movie I said goodbye and headed home.. I streched out on my bed and watched tv until I got up to shower .. Now I am lying here awaiting sleep.. I hope I get through the night with no wake ups..

By your side

A while back I went through this phase known to me as "the dark time" where I could care less about what people though and was on a mission to get back at the people that hurt me.. I made friend that told me "not forgiving a person is like drinking poison .. Your only hurting yourself at first I shrugged it off but it started to wear on me and everywhere I turned there was something with the theme of forgiveness .. Flash foward to the healed wound .. I have finally come to rest.. They hurt me.. Who knows the real motive but I'm leaving it to God .. But now I feel as if I have been outcasted.. I am ignored unless in a situation where I need to be aknowledged.. There are actually only 3 people doing this.. They are all leaders and I know for a fact that one has vowed "well I'm not going to talk to him anymore". No matter how much I try to ignore it I always see them doing there leader responabilities ..two of them teach and one sings and the have important roles in the church.. So this is what gets to me.. They teach and preach forgivness but are willing to ignore and exclude a person.. I don't know ..but with this situation I think back to my "dark place" and how I had the view of ..what if it's not me what If I'm not the one doing wrong..but of course they aren't subject to that consideration .. And now with my view of my pastor being blinded and unwilling to see the signs which are running our church into the ground.. I see all of this and sigh because we are supposed to be the example the city on the hill but we can't even work as one body like the bible says.. God your will be done .. Only you know what Is best and your ways are perfect and your plans for us are unknown but I call for conviction and revival.. Amen. ..

You never really loved....

I'm semi used to using my iPod to post I will never fully enjoy it since I prefer an actual keyboard and I make tons of spelling errors despite the auto correct.. It crosses my mind sometimes thinking if people still read my blog but I really just consider a place to write out my thoughts

Today I was a change .. I am finally actually able to breath through my nose and although the mucus has taken refuge in my throat and I am constantly clearing it has to mean my healthy days are just around the corner .. This morning I rolled over an then heard "good morning Anthony" I wasn't startled because I knew the voice so I looked toward my brothers bed and it took a second for my eyes to adjust but it was my niece .. She felt sick so she came to stay .. I told her she could help herself to anything and play my iPod because I wanted to sleep atleast another hour she said ok and I fell back asleep.. I got up and she was still lying on my brothers bed playing my iPod so I got up I overheard my mom say that my nephew would also be coming because he got sick and needed to come home .. Soon we were all in my room a sespool of bacteria haha.. We watched movies and my niece slept most the day.. I made them lunch and it was 2 another day spent in bed what a waste..Before I knew it I had to start getting ready for church .. The kids were picked up and I got a call from Saul asking for a ride so I headed to his house and then to the church.. I talked to a couple youth ad then it was time for class.. The lesson was semi interesting and I tried my hardest to keep concentrated but I yawned .. Th study was ok . Soon it was over and I headed out I was ready to go so when the youth got out I kept the conversation short and soon I was dropping my cousin off at her house and on my way home.. I got in and was eager to watch my wednesday show "Glee" it was alright it made my day because people were pratically trying to force me into a bad mood.. .. But right now I find myself restless on my bed .. I mean how do I expect to fall asleep when I did nothing all day.. Usually prayer works so thank you God ..

The sickness is waning..

Ok so I've pretty much been drugged up for the last 3 days I believe I have developed an immunity to the effects of nyquil because it no longer works.. But we are pretty much stocked on drugs.. All prescribed of course .. Anyways my days have consisted of me lying in bed all day and with the inability to drive because of the medication it is all I can do to keep myself from going crazy.. I have even talked to myself for about 5 minutes the conversation. Was about my nose .. Haha and how I have wiped it with all sorts of things .. I have 2 dedicated shirts which I use but from 3 days of sneezing and blowing my nose is really hurt.. I can't even think of the word I wanted to use but yea my nose is super red .. I feel my symptoms going away so I am looking foward to actually being able to have my voice recognized when I answer the phone ..

Swine flu!.. Nah just a standard one ^_^

So Friday was the big day.. Sarahs quincenera .. The day started with me taking my mom to like 4 stores so by the time we got back I had to start getting ready.. My brother was home and I told him he should take a shower so he did and ended up putting on his tuxedo.. I told him he didn't need to wear it yet. He said it was my fault for not being specific .. I don't know but before I knew it we were heading to sarahs sisters.. We arrived expecting to be late.. We weren't we were actually were the first .. We waitied and folded these papers and by that time everyone had arrived the limo came and we headed to the hall .. We took pics and were nervous about the dance but we got through it flawlessly .. Then it was time to dance I have to admit I like to dance but it was a little uncomfortable but with a little(alot) of coaxing me and victor eneded up on the dance floor .. Haha .. The night flew by and the night ended I slept good only to awake with a sore throat I thought it was from trying to talk over the music the night before but the nasty mucus made me think otherwise.. I noticed my nose was running but didn't dare admit or even let the thought enter my head that I was sick.. I showered and got ready to leave for sports camp and I felt better .. I rode a horse haha.. But we had some drama at sports camp so I was glad when it ended .. Moi asked if I wanted to go to a friends party with him and Vic because it would be easy cause I would be there rides .. I agreed but was reluctant because I didn't know anyone but I endured that the night before and I like to keep to myself.. It was fun but my runny nose came back with a vengence .. The house was stuffy and I am sire I had a fever but I hoped to sweat it out .. I was also texting my friend zabdi who was at the fair with her mom and little brothers.. They said they were leaving and would be walking so I offered them a ride ..at this time I didn't feel lke being at the party becUse j was so stuffed up.. So I headed off to pick them up.. I wad then told by my brother that I could Leave because they had a ride .. I was mildly happy so I left.. I was treated to a icee which just tasted like air.. But it was ok.. Then I got a call from my mom saying that I needed to pick up victor .. I did and ended up takin Moises home.. .. Now I'm home and lying on my bed.. I am happy becAuse although I am sick I had planned on resting from this hectic week anyway .. Woo now it's time to slow down :D

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

I havent been posting lately because this week is so rushed.. driving is actually tireing and you can never get used to crazy drivers.. but its been a good week..


Tuesday: spent most of the day planning and scheduling.. the weather was crazy.. the rain was refreshing but I had to drive.. around 3 me and saul went to volunteer at a afterschool program and around 5 i headed home to get ready to go to the first Quice practice .. I picked up my brother from school and we were driving blind for a while because i wasnt aware of the studios location.. we ended up by riverpark and is was by fresno city .. it was really pouring around this time and i was warily driving on the freeway.. thank God we found the place safely.. we were actually 4 minutes early..that was defiantly God.. haha... we entered and right away the instructor struck me as serious and strict and then the way she treated people it was true.. i tried to keep my composure feeling bad for whoever she caught doing something she didnt approve of.. we got through a couple times and then to our luck.. the power went out.. it sucked but the instructor said to head to her home.. and there she seemed to lighten up at her house we got through the steps and it was agreed that we would have another practice because 1 didnt seem nearly enough to get it..


Wednesday: today was seemed more relaxed I did my chores and before I knew it I was taking my godmother to get her medicine.. I hurried home because I had to pick up my brother because we had a long practice ahead of us it was much easier since I knew where I was headed we stopped for lunch and headed to sarahs sisters house.. we were there early so we tried talking but it was often full of awkward moments.. all those babies.. hahaha.. we practiced and it went good maybe because of the repetition.. soon it was time to head to the instructors house .. we practiced and it went well I came home and felt a little sore in my right leg so after I showered I put some chinese ointment.. I actually was able to fall asleep without any "help" haha.. but i did say i would stop relying on the nyquil.. haha..


Thursday: Today I woke up still tired.. as i was lying in my bed I realized it was thursday and that meant christian club at sunnyside.. I like to go for support and see the youth getting involved and making it known that they are christian.. I got dressed and headed to the school.. I didnt wait for zabdi to meet me so I walked alone to the room where the club is held.. I seen elianeth and eze so I sat by them.. I didnt greet the President of the club like I wanted to.. I had questions for him and let him know where I was from and that I liked the idea of the club .. but I just said hi.. haha.. the "study" went by quick and then it was over.. so I just hung out and talked to the youth from my church.. lunch was over and moises asked for a ride since he didnt have any more classes for the day.. we headed to my house until victor got out.. I dropped him off and me and victor headed for yet another practice.. I feel like we have the dance down..I am staying sure that we wont mess up.. ha.. everyone gots it and tomorrows the big day..

Love me hate me

There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe: Circus -Britney Spears

ok I beleive the last time I posted was Friday .. It's been a long weekend and no acess to a computer is starting to wear on me.. The iPod pltext prediction sucks I put "watch" and "whatchamacallit" came up haha ..ok so here's the last 2 days in a summary. Saturday:went to sports camp, hung with moises and saul, went to mois house, came home did yardwork. Sunday: I drank a starbucks to be peppy and it worked but I was drafted into the preschool watching 3&4 year olds..I misse service for that and was kinda dissapointed about that.. After church came home tried to sleep ended up talking in the phone and soon it was time for the church Meeting.. Went to that .. Had bight church Which was Boring to say the least.. It should cease in 2 more Sundays ..after that I came home and did the usual..

Today was unproductive I wanted to do something but I talked in the phone and the time flew I was thinking about what I have to do this week to be at my best for an event I will be in..but around 2 I knew my niece and nephew were going to be walking through the door in a matter of minutes so I knew my day was wasted.. They came and we watched a rather old movie but kne that I liked .. I the. Got a call from Moises asking for a ride I said I would be there I threw on a hat to save time from doing my hair didn't bother putting on shoes since I prefer driving barefoot then with sandals it wasn't until I had to get out of the car to open the trunk for him .. I noticed I looked all rugged and dirty mainly because my shorts were rather dirty probably when I went to see my dogs.. It also didn't help that I didn't have any shoes haha.. We laughed and he picked up something to eat and I dropped him off .. I came back home .. Texted and watched tv.. The kids got picked up and I started to clean the disaster area that was our room.. Watched heroes and took a shower .. Now I'm here relaxing and listening to music .. Feels good to post.. Sorry about the recent rants :D

A question that has been plaguing me recently is an odd one... It's "why do people like me" I have heard alit of times "it won't be as fun if your not there" and I wonder why.. And also I attract a group of youth but don't know why they are interested.. Maybe they just need an ear but I wonder if people are drawn to me.. not in the liking way but they need a dose of anthony haha .. I sound so conceited but I think nothing of the sort I just wonder why I dont feel special I have a particular example I had a friend who was a guy we became good friends hung out a lot and attended the same church but he always wanted me by him and even complained that I didn't give him enough attention I said sorry and tried to give him more I hope this doesn't come off weird he is fully straight but I was just his security blanket I guess haha.. This particular event has happend 3 times twice with girls and once with a guy .. Idont know where I'm going with this but I am just asking why.. I just want to also say that I never turn down a person who needs to talk.. I look for the est in people and have massive patience although certain people can blow through that in a second ..I closing(haha) I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate my friends or sound like in full of myself i am just seeing a quality God gave me and am hoping I am using it the way God wants..That's it my head hurts .. Post tommorow :D

If you asked me to leap out of my boat on the crashing waves
And if you asked me to go preach to a lost world of Jesus save
I`ll go but I cannot go alone cause I know I`m nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I`m weak He makes me strong
When I`m blind He shines His light on me
Cause I`ll never get by livin on my own abilities - Casting Crowns

Do you ever wonder if people resent you because of your gifts? I ask because I used to be close to a certain person.. We had a falling out and all was forgiven or so I thought .. If a person acts as if your not present unless they ae forced to doesn't that exude a type of resentment or something.. I see this persons pretty often and it's the same I avoid him and he avoids me Its obvious this person has something against me but when I say that he resents my gifts it's because the light that draws people to me I know this person gets annoyed when I show up because I distract his people .. I don't want to say to much because I don't want drama.. It's just been on my mind and I find it ridiculous

Today I felt a strong sense of nervousness it was ridiculous ok so I woke up and realized it was Thursday and I wanted to atsunday Sunnyside highs Christian club I checked the time and I had 3 hours to get ready so I did then I started over thinking .. I started imagining scenarios like "what if they call to speak" or "what if the ask me to lead a study" I was nervous but I knew I would wan to talk about evangelism because I have been looking into this certain style called "way of the master" so I got prepared got my verses and soon it was time to go .. I started gettig stomach quivers as I headed out the door so I recited 2 Tim. An headed off I got there said another prayer(I was really nervous but didn't know why so I arrived and headed into the office I managed to ask the secretay for a visitors pass without shaking but as for signing in.. My hand was literally shaking!! I got a grip and headed to the out the office door as I looked around I felt a flash back .. Everything was the same the sea of students, where the groups sat I forgot to breathe until I was shocked back to reality by a group of guys staring.. I probably stood out .. I grabed my phone and texted zabdi because she was going to be my guide then I also isedto oppurtunity to text my old friend and tell her I was here I got her text back first she responds with "what where!!" so I told her and then I went looking for zabdi I seen her and jr so I waved and we met and then she said to follow her the route we took couldn't have been better because I heard "Anthony!!" and I turned to see my friend yarely whom I haven't seen in like 4 years.. Maybe 3 haha but I told zabdi I would be right there as I turned to go catch up k was greeted by one of those hugs where a girl throws her hands around your neck and hangs. I was tempted to spin like in the movies haha but I resisted and hugged back we caught up remeniced about old times and she laughed when she asked why I had a bible in my pocket I explained and we parted because I was already a little late for the club luckily I had Candis texts so I headed to where I thhought the class was .. Having attended sunnside 2 years I was familiar with the halls but I came to licked. Doors so I headed to another entrance it had to be God because I then ran into edwuardo a boy from church I was suprised to see him he was alone so I talked to him he asked if he could walk with me I hapilly agreed and we both headed to find the room .. We found it without any problems he was reluctant to go in but gave in with little struggle we got stares so we found our seats quickly I zoned in and knew what the teacher was talking about it was about Daniel and his friends shadrach meshach and abednego j was familiar with this story but I noticed the student teacher was nervous it was even more obvious when he started saying "thermos" instead of furnace I seen the youth from church there and laughed at myself because none of my Scenarios happened not even close ..i noticed Gilbert the youth minister was there.. With his son.. I was like wtheck.. Not because it was him but because he brought his son.. It was weird to me but after the meeting ended I greeted my people but got to caught up and didn't get to introduce myself to the club president.. There was some time left and my friend Jose asked if I wanted to meet his friend Brisa I Sadi of course because she is a friend of his who added me ad we have talked on occasio but never met so I took the oppurtunity we walked and talked but he couldn't find her ..lunch was over so I said bye to Jose and he hurried to his next class as I headed for the office I found the experiance great because I had no where near as much confidence walking in the halls of my old school as when I attended there .. I headed home and looked for something to eat for my lunch .. I settled for corn dogs I got caught up in a show and before I knew it my niece and nephew were here.. From there it was te same..Around 5 I was asked to go pick up a soda from the corner store for dinner I asked my niece if she wanted to come and she said yes so we left for 711 she was talking about boys from her school and how they annoy and bother her and her friends .. I snikered because of the obvious "boy teases girl he likes" so typical of elementary school we got to the store and got the soda a women that came out and was parked next to me kept staring I waited to see if she was going to back up but she didn't I looked and she was still staring probably thinking the same.. So I backed out first haha then I came to the curb and there was a car on the street in front so I could see the passenger and backseat people .. There was a lady in the front and a girl in the back.. The windows were down and they were both staring I laughed because my niece noticed as well it was uncomfortable but alas the light turned green ad they went .. A car let me cut in so I go onto the street and drove home ... I had dinner and helped with puttig in a roof of a shed my step dad put together .. I then had to babysit so I put on Hercules after tag I watchd monsters verses aliens . I was suprised to hear they mention Fresno in the movie haha the movie was actually pretty funny .. My sister came home so I took my nightly shower and now I'm lying in bed hoping I get a good night sleep With no wake ups which have been happening lately .. Night :D and if you are reading or have read any of these .. Your awesome and thanks haha :D

Addiction

Ok I have known myself to do this. I play a new found favorite song until I get tired of it .. As of now it is "somebody to love" the Glee remake .. I love the Glee versions like take a bow and bust your windows those girls are talented .. So yesterday I was found meself watching "Hamlet 2" that movie had me laughing is so dumb.. There are doing a skit I don't know the premise or what or if there is a hamlet 2 but Jesus was in it .. It was a musical type thing and the lyrics were catchy .. I laughed hardest when the girls over enthusiastically screamed "o my God it's Jesus!!!" when he was coming down and walking on water.. Lately me and my brother have been butting heads .. He has developed this attitude that can put me from calm to punch someone in the face mode in a matter of seconds .. I know I am the older brother and should set the example but does that mean I have to be freaking perfect.. I mean he models his hair like me.. Got vans, an iPod touch, I know those seem little but they annoy the crap out of me.. He is very impressionable ..by 4 people in particular .. They say a new band and the next day my brother has all the songs from the band.. I mean there could be a chance he did hear the song and took a liking but I see it also with his actions as if to prove himself to be "funny". To live up to the name "crazy locs" .. I this it's dumb how I talked about him this whole time but this is weighing so hard on my mind and heart.. It's like aaah I need space .. Anyway I noticed the call of the world is back.. I will leave all this to God ..

Take a bow

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting - Psalm 139: 23-24

that is taken from an awesome psalm in the bible .. The whole verse is David talking to God telling how God knows him in everyway the verse finishes with the one I put up there .. I have been reading that book I mentioned and it was talking about temptation and how God doesn't tempt us nor the devil or anyone else.. The temptation comes from within it comes from our desires I like how the book clarifies that if a thought enters our head and it isn't a good one it is up to us to play around with the though letting it grow inevetably acting on the temptaion.. The book uses a hotel analogy.. "we can't keep people out of the lobby but we can keep them from getting a room". Have you ever heard the expression "well I can't help it God made me this way" the book calls it "the blame game" they put the blame on God so that the may have an escuse to sin..


Today was good I woke up to my mom and step-dad leaving for LA because for some reason my mom had to get diagnosed by a specialist but they sent her to one in LA .. Stupid right.. But they left and I took a shower.. I descided that today was the day to do my mission project.. Reluctant to leave at first I prayed and read 2 Timothy 1:7 then headed to the church.. I got some church flyers and headed into the neighborhood..I ran into 1 woman but she was Spanish speaking so I just gaver her a church flyer.. I felt unprepared so I headed back to my car and drove home.. I saw Christina and knew that I shouldn't have left because if I did the whole complex like I wanted I would have got a chance to talk to her because I heard her grandmoter recenty passing hit her hard.. But I headed home .. Once here I put on tv and dove into the humongous pile of clothes ad folding and hanging them.. Then my niece and nephew came ..i helped with hw and wanted to get an diagnosis for my computer.. I went to one place but they weren't open despite the "come in we're open" sign in the window.. I googled a place in the area and headed there .. It led me downtown.. That's when the trouble started.. First I passed my street so I went to do a uturn and then seen that I was on a one way street!! I was honked at by the only car by me thankfully realized my mistake and turned around again .. Came to another one way and followed it but didn't notice a redlight until I seen cars coming out I wasn't close enough to hit anything but I hit the brakes..the tires went squeeling and I skidded a considerable ways and was barely in the crosswalk.. It was so embarresing .. I kept hitting myself for being so dumb and eneded up not finding the place.. I gave up and headed home.. Soon after my niece and nephew were picked up I was alone watching tv until my sister came home.. I noticed my brother wasn't home and figured he had band practice .. I expected the usual call to go pick them up but he walked in around 8:40 I was upset cause for one he didn't call and two I him not calling to say he ddnt need a ride made me wait up and I could have took the dogs for a walk.. But he is inconsiderate like that.. We then argued about little stuff I guess he was in one of his moods.. Then Moises called ad we talked a while .. After we hung up I headed to the shower when I got out I groaned at the thought of posting from my iPod .. But here I am again.. Lying in bed tapping away on my iPod :D

Look here he comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know he
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Everybodies Fool -Evanescence (put he in place of she)

here I am again on lying on my bed struggling to type out a post on my iPod theres a huge stack of clothes I didn't fold to my right and my I can see my brother in my peripheral vision to my left he is waving his iPod for Some reason..as I lie here I can't help but think of what tommorow will bring.. Lately Its been on my mind to go into the neighborhood around the church and let people know what our church has like the food bank or weekend sports camp.. I have slot of reasons not to go like "what if I run into a Spanish speaking person" that would be hard because I don't speak spanish ..I also think of what If the opputunity to share the gospel comes up what would I say.. I was supposed to go today but I didn't but on Sunday I found a verse in the bible that says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7 " I always get nervous when I think of telling people that they are going to hell not directly but it's what the bible says unbeleivers have in store .. What I need to think more of is how God is more interested in saving them...

So today was simple.. I got like no sleep last night .. I woke up 4 times web though I had resorted to nyquil .. I was awaken by my mom saying I needed to get up and do chores and then go get a haircut.. I was dead tired so I didn't get up until the second time she called ..I went out in pjs and did my chore then I showered.. I figured I didn't need a haircut but I went and got the back and sides cleaned up .. It cAme out good.. Even with my traumatic experiance of going bald haha.. After that my room needed a serious cleaning so I started on that .. I was watching a vh1 special about the richest heirs and heiresses .. Omgosh they are unbelievably rich.. Luckies.. Haha i got done in good time and rested then i heard my niece and nephew arrive they came in and we watched tv and I helped with homework.. Time passéd they left and we had dinner .. I watched tv and looked forward to heroes.. I tried to watch but it doesn't catch me like it used to.. I showered and now I'm in bed realizing it's barely 10:31 i am hoping tommorow is more productive and exciting .. Ugh it was a Monday enough said right ... :D

Unbreakable

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me -Unbreakable: Fireflight

Have you ever heard the saying "Use it or lose it" ... teachers usually use that expression talking about brain use.. but I like to use it as your God given talents.. a friend of mine asked me what I think her talent is.. I told her she is a good singer although I havent really heard her sing.. just in the car and random times.. but she feels like she isnt talented enough in that area so I also mentioned teaching.. thats a old one.. everyone mentions teaching.. but just now it was revealed that she is a great coordinator.. she is always asked to put together get togehers.. and although its stessful she pulls through.. I havent told her that.. but how do you implement that into Gods plan for your life.. I dont know .. So I told her to pray and ask for God to help her discern her thoughts and his plans..
Honestly I dont even know what my talents are.. people say im crazy because its obvious.. but I really have no burning desire.. ok so I love working with kids, I love helping people, teaching is ok, and helping the youth was my best time.. even though I was in it just for fun at the time.. but now I am looking for where God needs me.. the point of this is.. If you know your talent.. use it for God and he will use you in a big way.. and if you dont know your talent.. Pray.. read the bible.. and ask your friends what are your strengths.. there are so many ministry options.. I want to meet a future missionary and see the fire they have because it must be powerful for them to want to GO like the bible says out of their comfort zone and reach out to the hurting.. "There goes another minute. Gone forever. Go share your faith while you still have time". (taken from "the way of the master" minute.)

Today I woke up late for church.. I woke up with 30 minutes to get shower, dress, and drive to church... when I got up my family was already gone so I just hopped in the shower.. time flew by and I knew I was going to be late.. I got to church around 9:40 and expected to walk into class in the middle of a lesson and I would be confused.. but thankfully I didnt.. Christina the young adult teacher had a grandma that recently died.. and she is taking it hard.. so her husband took the class today.. they were 2 students so I took my seat and told that they were going around telling about our challenges we had during the week.. I opened up about how the call of the world is screaming at me.. I see alcohol and my curiosity wants to take over.. and the "night life" seems euphoric but I know its all smoke and mirrors to something dark and ugly.. I didnt elaborate much but I said enough.. the youth pastors wife joined us and we had didnt have much of a class .. it was more of a chat session.. soon after class ended I ran into everyone.. I found myself backed into a wall haha it usually gets like that.. I talked to everyone I could and had a side chat with moises about his predicament.. .. then it was time for service.. I sat alone again.. well I was joined by moises little brother as usual.. I dont mind because he doesnt distract me so its cool I was in and out of the sermon one saying pastor used stuck with me.. he was referring to marriage and how so many are failing and said this "was it Love, of uneducated enthusiasm".. it made me thing because many people do say that after the wedding.. the euphoria dies soon after.. but when its true Love bound by God there is a constant euphoria .. although troubles do arise.. with God in the center they can be overcome. After service we had the lords supper and a baptism.. then it was over.. I headed out with my friends and after a while slipped away because I was supposed to meet my family at taco bell.. they called and said they would bring it home instead so to go straight home.. While eating we watched a tv series called "Way of the Master" its a neat show because they interview people on the streets asking questions like "is there a hell" and "who goes there" and "you being a sinner what does that mean".. usually the answers are the people admitting they are sinners and realize by Gods standards they are going to hell.. they have a cool method of sharing the gospel .. this is the website if you want to check it out "Wayofthemaster.com" after 2 episodes I was tired so I headed into my room to watch alice in wonderland.. I found it boring and fell asleep.. haha.. I woke up in time to get to 711 and get an iced coffee and head to church with good time.. I met up with saul and we talked for a while before everyone showed up.. then cesar came up and someone told him he should teach a youth class for night church.. reluctant at first because it was already descided that youth were to be in service .. but then he agreed and we headed upstairs.. he allowed me to go so there were 9 of us .. he didnt have anything planned so he talked about what ways we could declare our faith throughout our daily lives.. It was really good I had some input.. towards the end sauls mom entered and said some stuff in spanish.. and me being a mexicant wansnt able to understand.. but I knew she was upset because we had a class and she told saul to come downstairs.. .. after that cesar wrapped up and we all headed downstairs in time for the last 5 minutes of night service and prayer.. after it was more talking and I headed home... I watched some of the movie titanic then i took a shower and I am sitting here on my sisters computer cause she is still out.. but im not complaining.. :D

I dont care what you think, as long as its about me

When I saw a flash of light and I heard the sound
Of a voice like thunder shake the ground
It was the first time I remember
ever feeling my heartbeat - The day you found me: Big daddy weave
(the story in the bible when Saul became Paul)

Well I still have access to a computer but its my sisters so im not able to get on as much since its in her room and she lives in here.. but Im still working on mine.. So recently I noticed I have been hanging around a certain youth alot.. His name it Saul.. When I first met him I got the impression of trouble maker.. it didnt change but at one point I asked God to use me to get through to him.. I dont know how or in what way but just to use me.. we have hung out and went to some other youths games.. hes a funny person to be around but now that I know him more he isnt a trouble maker he will always be the class clown but that kid is talented especially on drums.. and even more so on Rockband.. haha.. I dont know if ive been any influence on this person but I hope it was in a Good way...

Today was fun I didnt go to sports camp because I was tired from the night before and I felt bad because I promised to be there for to people.. I will have to apologize tomorrow.. I then for a call from Saul. he asked if I could give him a ride home because sports camp was over I said ok but still had to get dressed because I was in my pjs.. I didnt tell him that part I just said I would be there in 5 minutes..lol it actually took about 20.. but I got to moises house where they were playing rockband .. it was just Saul, moises little brother Benji and this guys known as ellys stalker... haha.. we ended up staying and playing until I asked if they wanted to go see Moises, Elly and my brother at a car wash fundraiser they were having.. .. we head over and talked for a while.. we all headed back to moises for more rockband.. wow... ikr... we stayed till and then me and my brother headed home but I wanted to stop in for my Godmothers birthday party.. we did and said hi stayed for a while but it got cold so we headed home and watched Gi Joe.. .. that movie is to corny for my taste.. some of the graphic and lines... egh.. but now im showered and happy to have my fingers hitting keys instead of lying on my bed using my Ipod.. haha.. Good night.. church tommorow.. God is Awesome .. duh.. haha :D

Aaaah!!!!

*breathes* Right now I am aching with anger i'm squirming in my bed restraining myself from beating the crap out of my idiotic brother ...there is always fighting and rivalry betwen but when they don't take your freaking advice because they are retarted and the thing you warned them about happens .. What do you do... So Like half an hour ago I get up to take a shower because my brother was going to bed and he always complains about the tv so I got my clothes I noticed the computer was off As my custom I always get online after I shower so I went to turn it on.. Then it happend .. I pressed the power it went on for a second and shut off in that second my blood ran cold .. I shrugged and thought maybe I didn't press it hard enough so I go to press it again.. Same thing happens ..I go ask my brother what he happened and he got into his "wha I don't know what's going on" mode.. I know he always does that when he did something and the lying usually follows .. He said he was on myspace .. I said and.. I turned it off .. I cringed and asked him how and he pointed to the surge protector..I got sooo mad I have told him over and over not to turn it off from there.. 3 times today in fact but here he is still being stupid as a rock .. I didn't know wha to do so I ran to shower because the sight of his face was angering me more and more.. As I was showeing I was thinking of all the files I could have lost .. I am still Trying to be optimistic and thinking it will be better tommorow..for now I am posting this from my iPod

Aside from all that drama today was pretty good .I woke up and helped my mom load some tables into the truck then I got a call from my godmother(we used to be catholic she baptized me but even though I'm christian she still has her title haha) she called and asked if I wanted to go out to eat I said ok and headed to get her .. We got our food to go because we both had things to do I made it home and stayed on the computer for a while then I got a call from the people that are going to be sending me to Utah maybe haha but they said they had some paperwork for me so I said I would be there I got off the phone and realized I had to fill out this paper that asked for my 2 educational choices and I then had to get info on them.. I was getiting stressed and then my niece calls and said if I could pick up my nephew because she was going to stay for a volleyball game j said ok and rushed to get cleaned up and j rushed to pick him up I dropped him off at my house and then waded to the center .. I got their in good time and got the paperwork done so it may be 2 more weeks .. I got home and was looking foward to resting until I walked into my room and the most horrendous stench was resonating in my room I gagged and backed out I can't even explain this smell .. I turned on the fan and sprayed some axe body spray I then ram out .. I came back and the smell was still there I used some other body spray slot of it .. And left for a while longer I came back and the smell finally was subsiding I laid on my bed and watched tv until Moises called and we talked after a while I wanted to ask to go over but I had my brother ask .moi said yes so we headed over and played beetles rockband and rockband 2 before we were leaving we hung out side with elianeth and benji and stalker haha we laughed and played around we then headed home now we come to this .. The event I am hoping will resolve itself .. Poor computer .. We have been through so much haha. .... :D

A mouse!!!

Ok so my mom and step-dad went to the fair and got back a while ago.. as they were getting ready to go to bed I heard my step-dad say "I know he's not going to stay on that computer all hours of the night".. this was me >_> .. not a second later my mom comes up and says "what am I doing" but not really asking more like why am I on .. personally I love to be on at night.. my mind wakes up and I have a brain surge where thoughts and stuff are running through my head.. which makes it hard to sleep.. but anyway I didnt respond because I was getting angry.. so she leaves to her room.. then my step-dad passes and says "dont leave your shoes in the living room".. a big majority of the way he talks to me is in orders.. and that pisses me off.. so I had to bite my tounge before I said something I would regret... I still felt mad so I descided to read my bible.. in the back it has a section that says "what to read when you feel (or have been)" ... it has alot of topic but I chose..Angry, Quarreling,bitter, and apathy.. they give you verses to read so but I only got through anger and Quarreling.. then it happened.. I heard a rustling sound coming from my room and in that instant I knew the mouse that had intruded was caught in the sticky trap we set.. I went to see and was surprised to see a little brown mouse.. having mice as pets before I began to have sympathy on this one.. its legs were stuck to the trap I picked the trap up being careful not to get bit and get rabies.. I ended up getting it unstuck and now it is in a fish tank in front of me.. its cute until it jumps trying to make its escape.. but he is trapped for now...



So today was similar to yesterday but I woke up earlier than usual.. I woke up to an empty house and noticed the nice weather.. I didnt know what to do so I went online.. I checked my email and social networking sites.. and twitter. I found this article called the 46 Stages of Twitterhttp://www.shanenickerson.com/nickerblog/2009/06/the-46-stages-of-twitter.html..I found it humorous because its true.. after that I went through my closet.. its been cold lately to I need to pull out the sweaters.. I love the feeling of a hoody... so comfy.. I felt icky because I hadnt taken my shower so I got my clothes and showered .. as I came out I heard my niece and nephew.. boy does time fly.. my mom asked if I could go pick up some pizza.. great there goes my eating healthy.. haha. I agreed but before I left I got a call from Moises.. him and my brother needed a ride I said i would be there and headed off... I picked them up. got the pizzas and we headed to my house.. we ate and looked up videos.. I watched last nights episode of Glee since I missed it.. it was alright.. I asked moises if he was ready to go home and he said yes so I took him home.. we seen his sister so I stayed and chatted a bit .. after I headed home.. ready to relax.. I downloaded the movie Hercules my all time favorite disney movie.. I still dont know if its sad that I know the lyrics to all the songs in that movie.. haha.. I passed time playing on my ipod and then was asked to watch my nephew that lives with is while his mom went to her boyfriends softball game.. I said yes and westarted watching hercules.. he has seen it before so he was tryng to sing along but I then began to wonder If the new generation would get the experience of disney movies I had..these days they have pixar and dreamworks.. but those cant top the oldies.. like lion king and Aladdin .. the movie ended and his mom was back .. so I came back to the computer and did some more surfing.. ..im now here at the end of my blog post with the same thing I say every time.. "sitting hear showered and ready for sleep".. my nightly routine stays the same...

Even heroes need a parachute

Paul: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

I have to say... googling that verse brought me to a pretty cool blog.. (http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com)
I was searching for the verse because I have been reading this book called "Moral Earth Quakes and Secret Faults" In this book is uses fault lines and disasterous earth quakes and compares it to how people think that their "little sin" can go unnoticed or how they can keep sinning as long and the are careful.. but as the book says.. the small faults over time can cause catastrophic damage ..in this case to your life this verse stood out to me because here is paul.. an apostle struggling with something he knows he cant overcome ..I know I personally have a thorn.. I feel I can usually pretend its not there until it starts to press and make itself known.. not in a paining way but it has that aspect of the piercing calling it has..just when I think I have it under control the thorn comes back it seems harder to ignore.. .. but like the end of the verse says "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"... thats God talking to paul... let me go through this.. ok we know the definition of grace is "given something we dont deserve" so God says the strength I give you is sufficient to over come the trial.. then God says.. my power is made perfect in weakeness.. I take that as.. we are nothing without God..in everything let God lead and it will come through... according to Gods will of course.. sometimes the thorn wont be removed until we get to heaven..but God will be there every step of the way.. (this is mainly a reminder to myself)


Today was .... boring.. haha.. I woke up but did nothing.. my phone kept getting texts and that didnt allow me to fall back asleep so I started watching tv.. I didnt pay attention to what I was watching until I seen an actress I recognized.. it was a girl from one of my favorite movies "superstar".. .. oh the movie was "Nancy Drew".. haha i know right .. I finally decided I was done being lazy so I got up to shower .. I then searched everywhere for my earphones until it dawned on me that my bother took them by stupid mistake even though his are new and mine practically cut the lobe of your ear.. I ate lunch and ran some errands.. I was in like at the post office when i noticed the time.. it was 1:50 .. I remembered that my niece had detention and I needed to pick my nephew up .. I hurried home and headed off to get him.. the office attendants made me feel bad that I didnt know my niece and nephews teachers or room numbers.. but they pointed out my nephews teacher among the sea of children and teachers.. as I was walking I seen my nephew I stood there watching to see if he would notice me.. I heard a teacher and realized I probably looked like some pedophile.. he finally saw me and responded with his usual "what the heck".(he gets that from me).. haha... I said hi to his teacher and introduced myself .. me and my nephew headed back to my house.. he filled me in on his day and then asked to play a game on my Ipod.. time passed and I got a call from my cousin .. he wanted to know if he could ride with is to church .. I was happy he was interested and said of course.. he got here with my aunt and she was the kids ride back to sanger.. so they left .. me and my cousin caught up and left to church early we met up with moises who I still dont know why he was there early.. but we sat and talked.. then we were laughing about this lady that came up to us and felt our hair and told us we were handsome.. it was funny.. before I knew it.. it was time for class.. we all went our separate ways ... as I sat in my class I tried to be more attentive.. unfortunately we arent on a super interesting topic so I kept zoning out .. class was over and that mean the usual chatting outside so I headed out .. our class was out earliest as usual.. but after a few minutes the patio area was loud and people everywhere.. I talked to who I could and then hurried home.. I then watched tv and started thinking about how close the Quincenera is and what I needed to do by then.. as I headed to take my nightly shower I mapped out my plans in my head and made a goal..now its time for sleep.. Good Dreams to everyone... Good night :D