To anxious to sleep

It is exactly 6:44 and I am not sure if I even slept.. I think I dreamt for about 5 minutes and then was back rolling over struggling for comfort.. Ugh..

Well yesterday was my suprise going away party even though I would normally complain about not making it a big deal I was happy I got to actually have a formal good-bye .. Wow what a party it was.. I was good walking up to the building I was good seeing everyone there then when I seen my mom i could see her trying to be strong wether it be for me or not to make a scene but I could tell I walked to give her a hug but I felt my phone vibrate I seen it was my sister so I answered, she asked all the normal questions cause I guessing forgot to claryfy but she knew I was leaving in the middle of the call my voice started quivering.. I shook myself to get a grip and got through the call then at the end she says to keep in touch because my neice and nephew look up to me and will miss me .. I did my best to calm my voice but once I said by I knew it was over ..this whole time since I found out I was leaving I didn't cry I didn't want to. But all my emotions started to flood through! I was freaking crying and in front of alot of my friends I knew I had to get it together so I ran to seclude myself I am glad Noone saw I took deep breathes and I was good but my eyes told otherwise I walked back not knowing what to say about my leaving or my bloodshot eyes so I hesitated going back in.. I then see my mom I ask her for some eye drops once I had them in I hoped they would relieve the redness but then I see my mom crying .. I was on the brink of losing it she hugged me and I should have told her I loved her but it was all I could do to not start balling(extreme crying) but I cringed my teeth and fought it although stray tears would come I knew the jig was up and people would see I had cried.. It took a good 15 minutes for me to shake it off and have regular conversations with people as I watched there eyes stare with this look as they seen my teary bloodshot eyes.. I tried to lighten the mood and tried to be humorous and it finally paid off.. The night went well and I took alot of pictures said alot of good-byes.. It felt so strange and awkward but it was sort of like closure..

Good -bye for now I hope to keep blogging I wad given a neat journal but would feel primitive using it .. Haha
Adios until the search for a good wifi hot spot Is over :)

(I love you mom)