Forever and a day...

That's what waiting for Friday feels like.. It's Wednesday and I am lying on my bed wishing I could go back to sleep .. I am dressed and ready but oh how i wish I could sleep ...ok so everyone that's been here for longer then a month calls this place hell I am starting to see the first signs of what they are talking about.. If you don't keep busy you will be bored as heck.. For me I have practically memorized all the songs even moreso then the ones I already knew.. And I have watched all 4 movies and 2 music videos and my 1 episode of glee(I have watched the episode around 4 times already) I don't even have atleast a book to keep busy .. I guess I am ready for the break for the sleep and also taking all the uneeded songs that take up so much memory .... I have also been feeling confused about coming back after break .. We were talking about the trade we will be taking and it seems I was off on how long i would be here.. Unless after trade I want to go to college here which they would pay everything... I mean that's a good deal and I'm learning to be dependant like I should be.. I mean I am 21 I should be out of the house already but I was lazy and screwed up and time just ran laps around me as I just sat there and watched it pass.. This is a first step but i need to see it through .... Something that has crossed my mind is this program in Fresno that has the same trade I am going for but I would be in town but I would be dependant on my mom and fidel.... Right now I see my life in "Fight or fall" Mode.. I can either fight through this place and be here maybe 3 to 4 months or go home, back to where I started and try that other program that I don't know much about .. I haven't been praying or reading my bible that much so I think that's the reason for this doubt ..