Jumped the Gun

Ok so obviously Im home.. good thing right?.. I thought it was what i wanted.. this blog is going to dig deep and be me venting..

Ok so I get home and nothing has changed I sit in my room and wonder why I decided to school here.. I then remember all the people that "missed me" and me being and attention hog ..feeling great that people were actually missing me.. my vanity took over and wanted to come back to all the people.. borderline narcissism right.. bleh.. so anyways I am adjusting to life gradually but my battle with the separation from friends who I consider best friends ... I mean I know we couldn't be together forever but I connected with them so well ..I pray that our paths meet again.. I dont know what a certain one did but I am practically hooked and made so many considerations just to see this person.. its crazy.. another thing that hasnt changed is family life.. I gave him(my step-dad) space and I come back to the same bossy control freak person.. who actually told me that the electric bill was lower when I was gone so for me to try and conserve.. to me it was like whatever .. but I am not going to stand for his demeaning and if I dont like something he says he will get it because he may be the same but I am not... anyways.. another reason I thought would be a good reason was this family drama that has been going on that could involve me and the authorities.. it is a great big mess and I wonder how a family recovers from such allegations... but I am going to face it head on.... again I find myself with a plate full of problems.. and no one to turn to.. well thats just how I feel.. there are people to turn to but none that I feel comfortable enough that would give me advice other then "God has a plan for you" no crap sherlock.. I know that but trying to get on the path or even find it for that matter is hard.. .. someone once told me that I have a special personality and that anything I do I will be good at.. I find that to be crap because I honestly dont know what I want to do.. and how scary is that.. Im a 21 year old who is confused as to what he wants to be when he grows up.. oh but wait a sec... i am grown up.. so that sucks more... the future is chewing me up and time is passing me by.. and all I can do is contemplate on what career path I want to go down.. needless to say I am keeping depression at bay but I feel like im at the end of my rope.. and also at the end of my venting session... in the end I have to make decisions and they wont be made for me like im used to.. time to step onto the escalator to the future and not just watch from the sidelines..

At the airport

Ok so it's my day to come back home from about 4 months of school in Utah .. It's and i actually feel sad .. I made some really great friends who I will most likely never see again.. That's life though isn't it.. Nooope! I definatly want to keep in touch with alot of the people here .. They have all made an impact in my life and I hope i helped that in someway no matter how small throught it all there were to that no matter what I wanted to see the best for them .. Jesse and Brady .. I consider them best friends Brady like a sister . She's the coolset person on the planet and I dare you to prove me wrong.. She is the most no judgmental .. Loving person.. And it was a blessing o meet her.. As for Jesse.. Wow where to start.. We were roomates for a majority of my time in job Corp but I consider him like a brother he has this personality that when he says he wants to do something you believe he can.. I seen him as a big brother because he seemed to be sure about everything..he was my church buddy ..I was glad when he wanted to come with me to find new churches .. And even agreed to leave a church he liked because I really wanted to try out another one .. He really helped me push through my time here I'm glad I met him to.. Well I just needed to vent those feelings haha can't wait to update this more often ^__^

A week from now...

I will be back home!!!! ... I wish I had that much enthusiasm but oddly I am apathetic for more then 1 reason.. I mean I will be happy to see everyone and I want to start being a better person then I was but I liked my independence although there are many rules here I found myself at home.. But something that never ceases to amaze me is how attached I get .. I meet people and feel as if I have to protect them .. To elaborate I often find myself going an extra mile for them and can't stay mad at them for anything .. Although I can hardly stay mad in any situation.. I made some great friends here and I will miss them and try to forget the chance I will never see them again .. That's how life is I guess.. But I'm keeping a good mood this weekend will be fun .. My last weekend here and the weather has been awesome the last few days.. I had my fun here and now it's time to go back and do the things I told myself I would..