New View

So I haven't written on here in a while and I have been wanting to get some of my thoughts down. I also have a new thought of how I should do this blog. I usually use it for venting and complaining to what ever random soul that happens upon my page but also for myself because I have went back and read and remembered what I was going through and how I overcame or am still enduring. So this is my new start and if you choose to be nosy and look at my previous ones but thats up to you


Who am I

I find it hard to define myself.. maybe from fear of the truth or just really not knowing. Lately I have been remembering some repressed memories of my past. I had a reason to hide all those memories away because I was ashamed but there are constant reminders almost everyday but I just stuff them back in and shake it off and look forward like I have grown accustomed to. I wouldn't say I was smart but that also depends on what you are talking about.. Am I generally smart well I think so but for things that could have been forgotten and things I never learned yeah I can stand back and feel dumb while people ask how I dont know about certain things but obviously if I wanted to learn it I would try.. but there are still those people who are/think that they know a lot and are surprised when someone doesnt know something they do.. anyways.. I also have a sort of ADD .. maybe even ADHD .. its not really that i lose focus its that I am trying to multi task.. for instance at church I have had 2 people talk to me at the same time asking about something and instead of noticing that im already being talked to they keep talking and when it comes time for me to respond im like looking back and forth trying to choose who to reply to without having the other feel like i wasnt listening..but the thing is .. its hard being me.. because for some reason I set out to please people either by putting on a show or feeding their ego.. but i dont know maybe thats just how God made me.. the one people look up to.. how Ironic.. .. so this did become a bit of a rant and had no purpose but I feel a little better and want to write a seperate blog for something i have been thinking about..