Is it Me??

So today was alright I have been super tired in the morning so when my alarm went off i kept hitting snooze.. 5 more minutes.. i guess around the 4th time i didnt hit snooze and just turned it off.. I woke up with a shock of "I have to go!" after getting dressed i realized i wasnt going to make it on time to my 8 oclock swim class.. I usually look forward to it.. its cold at first but then to feel like your gliding through the water is awesome.. but I decided to skip both of the swimming classes.. I got to school around 10.. i am never doing this again.. finding parking was horrid.. anyway my day passed and no complaints.. I decided to get some stuff for my car cause it has been running funny .. then i washed it because it really needed it.. then for some reason my step dad started an argument.. he would have usually been at church at this time but he is doing pre-op for a colonscopy he has tommorow.. gross right.. anyway.. he says "couldnt you have done that earlier(wash my car) .. i thought it was strange so i shot back.. "its to hot"..needless to say I confirmed my thoughts that he hates me and is also a hypocrite.. no surprise there.. but then it got me thinking about stuff and I desperately need to vent my thoughts so here it is..




Is it me? i often ask myself this question... there have been many times that have occured where I was made out to be the bad guy.. for instance the first time I really felt hurts was when I was a student leader in my youth group.. time went by and then I was told that I could be seen as a stumbling block to kids who are in school seeing as how i dropped out.. so i was taken off the team.. this experience cause a lot of pain and i still look back to the chance i had to explain my case.. the youth leader had me stand in front of the youth group while he told them that i didnt graduate and thats why he took me off the team.. I stood there with no words and still remember the looks from everyone in that room.. but i just stood there.. and when given the chance to speak i just replied "well you pretty much said it all"
from then on my relationship with Gilbert the youth leader broke.. supposedly he has nothing against me and supposedly i dont have anything against him but if you see how we ignore each other it would be obvious to anyone..

Oh but i cant stop there I have to somehow get on his wifes nerves.. yes Gilberts wife Julie.. now talk about ignoring someone.. supposedly from what i hear she has vowed not to speak to me because of what happend on a youth camping trip.. what happened was everyone was packing up and I was helping my cousin and her friend Lauren take down the tent.. in the middle i found myself doing all the work so i stopped.. then they started and one of the youths dads condescendingly asked me why i wasnt helping them take it down.. and then Julie followed with yea your a guy you should be helping them... I being upset said well people shouldnt be talking if they dont know the situation so they just need to be quiet.. I could have not said anything but i was mad because my cousin and her friend were not only not helping but they were off flirting .. so that added to some of the malice that came in my words which julie apparently took to heart and still is holding her vow today..

then theres the 2 faced step dad i have the displeasure of living with.. not by choice but because i screwed up and am still living at home with no job and barely starting school.. we have butted heads so many times .. we go to church and he is one way with everyone but then not even 10 minutes out of church he is complaining about me not doing something.. or catching me doing something insignificant that he can mention.. like leaving the shower curtain open.. having my light on.. not putting the hose back.. washing my car at night.. he can blow all these things up to where it would be the same as smoking weed in the house or something.. he liteally watches me just to wait for me to mess up so he can start on one of his rampages..

Ok so here the catch.. these people are all leaders and well respected at church so you'd think they'd be a good example... so i wonder is it me thats wrong in all these or is it them.. ones a youth leader with the pastor behind whatever choice he makes ..one is a worship leader who every sunday sings praises to God.. and ones a devoted handy man who is up to volunteer for whatever pastor throws at him like teaching.. so can you see my point.. Is It Me??