Heroic Dose of medicine...

as I sit here and cough while hoping the overdose of cough syrup kicks in soon I want to blog.. As of now my Life is changing .. for the better or worse who knows... ive been down this road before.. pill that might make things better..weekly visits to a person to vent to.. the same old story.. although this time the characters have changed and the consequences are dire.. dramatic much.. well it seems that I am in fact "in over my head" the circumstances I find myself in cant really be repaired.. its as if trying to fix a mirror I can do what I can to repair it but you will still see the cracks.. all I can think of is that No sin goes unpunished.. I could go as far to say this punishment takes the cake . if I come away from this unwavered would be amazing to say the least.. wait unwavered.. in what .. my faith.. I cant define that right now.. promises promises promises.. I go to church and long for that feeling i once got but I leave with the same coldness I walked in with.. sure I can hide it and smile till my cheeks hurt .. im good at that... i actually need to stop .. my laugh lines are becoming permanent.. anyways .. So im on this road and I call up to God but I find its coming from my lips and not from my heart.. strange.. I know how this is supposed to work.. ive seen it done time and time again.. ive heard stories and yet I stand here lost.. how to get back.. it doesnt help that everywhere I look I see destruction.. Liars and hypocrites.. I walk through my church and its like a masquerade ball.. who am I to judge dancing among them.. thats my problem though.. picking out the splinters when there is a plank in my own life.. somethings gotta give and im scared cause its gonna hurt.. God Help me..