Jumped the Gun

Ok so obviously Im home.. good thing right?.. I thought it was what i wanted.. this blog is going to dig deep and be me venting..

Ok so I get home and nothing has changed I sit in my room and wonder why I decided to school here.. I then remember all the people that "missed me" and me being and attention hog ..feeling great that people were actually missing me.. my vanity took over and wanted to come back to all the people.. borderline narcissism right.. bleh.. so anyways I am adjusting to life gradually but my battle with the separation from friends who I consider best friends ... I mean I know we couldn't be together forever but I connected with them so well ..I pray that our paths meet again.. I dont know what a certain one did but I am practically hooked and made so many considerations just to see this person.. its crazy.. another thing that hasnt changed is family life.. I gave him(my step-dad) space and I come back to the same bossy control freak person.. who actually told me that the electric bill was lower when I was gone so for me to try and conserve.. to me it was like whatever .. but I am not going to stand for his demeaning and if I dont like something he says he will get it because he may be the same but I am not... anyways.. another reason I thought would be a good reason was this family drama that has been going on that could involve me and the authorities.. it is a great big mess and I wonder how a family recovers from such allegations... but I am going to face it head on.... again I find myself with a plate full of problems.. and no one to turn to.. well thats just how I feel.. there are people to turn to but none that I feel comfortable enough that would give me advice other then "God has a plan for you" no crap sherlock.. I know that but trying to get on the path or even find it for that matter is hard.. .. someone once told me that I have a special personality and that anything I do I will be good at.. I find that to be crap because I honestly dont know what I want to do.. and how scary is that.. Im a 21 year old who is confused as to what he wants to be when he grows up.. oh but wait a sec... i am grown up.. so that sucks more... the future is chewing me up and time is passing me by.. and all I can do is contemplate on what career path I want to go down.. needless to say I am keeping depression at bay but I feel like im at the end of my rope.. and also at the end of my venting session... in the end I have to make decisions and they wont be made for me like im used to.. time to step onto the escalator to the future and not just watch from the sidelines..