Change?

So when I read through my blogs from when I was in Utah my writing style seemed different .. Idk if it's Just me overthinking

So Being at home has been cool I enjoy the comfort and sleeping in and even my step dad was in "stepford" mode(the movie where the community are robots and are made to be perfect) but it didn't take long for the troll to rear it's ugly head and in this case hearing him complain to my mom for 15 minutes about something insignificant we did.. Oh and guess what.. Since I came back I went to church and already created rumors .. Well maybe not rumors exactly but I guess people got the impression that I didn't want to talk to anyone .. I found it to be absurd especially since I talked to everyone .. But I don't know.. I hope I have matured since I have been gone although if I took anything from Utah it would be mostly a bad example .. Christmas was today but most of the family celebration was yesterday .. To me it didn't feel like Christmas but then again what does Christmas feel like .. While I was in Utah I didn't see any decorated houses .. I didn't watch much tv and didn't hear many Christmas songs but then I get here and it's like bam! Lights and music and all that junk ... It's hard to conceive that this day represents the day that the savior was born ..my family made a cake and read the bible story .. I didn't participate for a number of reasons but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate what God did ... And really it doesn't say to celebrate this day because we should be thankful everyday for being saved from eternal seperation from God.. Well that's all for now.. Who wants to buy me the glee season 1 DVD :D also I need socks haha

Forever and a day...

That's what waiting for Friday feels like.. It's Wednesday and I am lying on my bed wishing I could go back to sleep .. I am dressed and ready but oh how i wish I could sleep ...ok so everyone that's been here for longer then a month calls this place hell I am starting to see the first signs of what they are talking about.. If you don't keep busy you will be bored as heck.. For me I have practically memorized all the songs even moreso then the ones I already knew.. And I have watched all 4 movies and 2 music videos and my 1 episode of glee(I have watched the episode around 4 times already) I don't even have atleast a book to keep busy .. I guess I am ready for the break for the sleep and also taking all the uneeded songs that take up so much memory .... I have also been feeling confused about coming back after break .. We were talking about the trade we will be taking and it seems I was off on how long i would be here.. Unless after trade I want to go to college here which they would pay everything... I mean that's a good deal and I'm learning to be dependant like I should be.. I mean I am 21 I should be out of the house already but I was lazy and screwed up and time just ran laps around me as I just sat there and watched it pass.. This is a first step but i need to see it through .... Something that has crossed my mind is this program in Fresno that has the same trade I am going for but I would be in town but I would be dependant on my mom and fidel.... Right now I see my life in "Fight or fall" Mode.. I can either fight through this place and be here maybe 3 to 4 months or go home, back to where I started and try that other program that I don't know much about .. I haven't been praying or reading my bible that much so I think that's the reason for this doubt ..

Freedom writers

So it's finally Thursday and that means my last day here .. Well technically I have to sleep one more nigh but by 7 tommorow morning I will be waiting at the airport for the plane to take me to my home!!

Lately life for me has been repititious .. It's the same everyday .. I can see why people would get tired of it.. We are trying out our trade of choice mine being "health occupation" we had our first "hands on" experiance .. It was so boring .. We did a packet ad then tried out a blood pressure thing and sat for an hour during that I had no choice but to eavesdrop on this conversation a student and the student instructer were having.. They were talking about all the drugs they have tried and how it made them feel(I know right) I wouldn't want them to work on me or anyone I know of.. Finally that torture was over .. We went to lunch and then back to class where we are watching the movie "freedom writers" I acutally am getting into it.. I have wanted to watch it but I never got a chance but now I got one well it's time to start my day I can't wait till tommorow

Mixed up...

I keep forgetting that this blog thing posts my post in th wrong order.. It happenf on several occasions and since I haven't been on an actual computer I can't do anything about it..

Today is my 3rd week here.. We have a new class and teacher it was soo boring but we ended up going to a museum and lucky me I forgot my camera.. It was the "aerospace museum" it had these huge airplanes they were mostly replicated .. They had the wright brothers plane.. It was pretty cool exept i was mad I didn't have my camera .. When we got back to the dorm i remembered it was payday .. The line was long so I descided to go to the mail room.. It was only. 1.38 to send 2 letters and a post card .. I am glad I got em out.. I then cane back and waited in line to get paid. . I got 55 dollars but they took 24 for taxes and some shirts they provided ..i ended up with 31 so i'm ok with that.. I can use that for gifts .. I can't wait to get home the days seem to pas ls by slow so I look forward to sleep so another day will come..Christmas is just around the corner ... A Christmas tree in the back of a truck reminded me of home and decorations.. Th lights and the smells.. Christmas time is here..


Hark go the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say throw cares away, Christmas is here, bringing good cheer to young and old, weak and the bold... Carol of the bells .. I went from memory so the lyrics might be a little off haha..

If we ever needed you, Lord it's now

Here I am in snow covered Clearfield, Utah ..the white fluffy stuff is everywhere as far as my eyes can see it's silent execpte for the cars passing and the snow melting.. While I was walking snow fell from three trees and hit me as if it was a snowball.. I laughed amused at the thought that it was God messing around the most high playing with his creation.. Haha..I am up early on a weekend because I am going to church .. There was a list of about 25 churches out of those i seen 2 with the word baptist .. I ended up choosing "first baptist church of Ogden" sounds good right? Lol.. Next Sunday I will be in my home church I can't wait..

Tap tap

Well I am back to making up random post titles haha.. Lately I have been having a great time my roomates make me laugh alot although a huge majority of the things they talk about of sex .. It's so funny though cAuse Jessie one of my roomates he says whn I lay down I look like I am posing for a picture haha he says it's the "gay pose" haha I think I lucked out on rooms because our room has cool people but we are always having someone come in usually to bother us but it usually leads to something funny .. My iPod has become our entertainment.. My roomates like to play tap tap or make their own it's fun but now a guy that has been known to steal came in and tried once .. I kinda nervouse so I am going to keep my iPod on me at all times...

I keep counting down until we leave for break and now it's closer then ever..I want this week to fly by and thn when I am on my break I want time to go as slow as possilbe ..well that's all for today

Adaptation

I noticed that I haven't had much complaints.. I mean about other people of course like when I complain how my brother annoyed me or my step dad I guess that's good but I still miss them..I was going through my. Older posts when I was worried about my friends and basically saying "what would they do without me" haha.. I have come to the conclusion that they don't need me.. I need them.. Of course I miss the laughter and fun times but all of our lives still go on.. I just hope it won't be wierd when I return..


So I have found the time to actually post at 6:21 In the morning.. I usually actually get it uploaded by 5:45 in the evening but it's ok but the this is I have to remember what I did yesterday..
A day here consists of waking up by 5:30 showering, walking to the office to sign in, coming back to the room to clean and make my bed(everyone is up doing this) then I wait till 7 and walk to the class I have.. We are in there until 3:45. Then we come back here and have a thing called "group" and after that we are pretty much free to do whatever .. There are plenty of things to do.. Like swim,pool(billiards),basketball,volleyball,computer gaming, and alot more to keep busy.. My personal favorite is comeing back to my room and napping till 5:30 they we can leave the campus .. And I head for the gas station for the free wifi for an hour .. But yea it's not like a prison it feels like a college campus atomosphere there are 4 dorm buildings there are 3 nice new ones and 1 not so new old one.. Guess which one I got .. According to people the best dorm is aptly named "the Hilton" and the one I happen to be in "the ghetto" haha.. Owell it's nice and we have our own bathroom
Well now I must begin my day :D

Stop counting

Well I've grown used to the plan I made.. What I mean is I didn't really prepare myself emotionally I just went around saying "yea 2 years" like it was nothing but in actuality after my first 10 days I was ready to throw in the towel.. I keep weighing the pros and cons of going home and being here and they both have there good things but in the long run this will be the best thing for me.. I actually haven't been struggling with the same problems here than at home.. I also see that I took alot for granted ..I didn't do many chores at home it was just wash dishes and trash..but here we are assigned chores .. It ranges from bathrooms - vacuuming .. An not just our room sometimes we get assigned the bathrooms that other dorms use.. Cleaning up after over 15 guys is not too fun haha.. I've sorta got the waking up down .. What is it they say "it takes 30 days to make a habit" .. Well I'm at 8 so far haha..I'm sure my sleeping habits will change when I get home .*sigh* home.. How i miss little things .. From the coffee aroma in the morning to my nephew walking in my room asking for my iPod.. I practically went cold turkey from tv .. I watched tv for like 5 minutes on Saturday when I had to washed clothes.. I miss glee!! Today is the last episode until April.. I read that somewhere.. Well when I get home I will watch them.. It's 6:44 and my day is just about to start.. :D

Day 8

Already! Well it feels as if the weekend flew by and even though I got to sleep in I ended up waking up at 9 .. I am so tired .. I forgot how much it hits you when your not used to mornings .. The last few days have been pretty cool I've been getting involved with stuff to keep myself busy so I don't think about how many days left until break.. It's been snowing since Saturday I haven't grown accustommed to walking in it although I haven't slipped thank God .. The fluffy white stuff is everywhere and even though there isn't any where I live I am already tired of it.. I think the coldest it's gotten was 12 degrees ..oh wow did I feel a differance ..

Last night I had a dream I was back home I was just in time for a Christmas program at our church I seen moises and elly and benji first as I walked I noticed everyone else.. That was pretty much my dream but being home felt so good ..well I can't wait till I am back on the plane back to Fresno .. Although I hope the weather clears up by then...

5th day

So it hasn't Been that bad exept for the occasional homesickness one thing that worries me is that we can only take one bag home an had to be under 50 pounds ..I camer here with 2 bags with around 40 pounds hopfully I can fit everything bad into one bag oh yea and it's snowing!

I didn't post yesterday(not that it matters without wifi) but it was Friday which being here means kicking back and hearing all the drunk people talk ..I went to the store to catch the wifi it was packed so I ended up standing I updated all the sites and got some snacks and headed back some of my roomates were here so I climbed on my bed (oh I don't think I mentioned I sleep on bunk beds and I had the top) I usually chill up here ..oh how I miss my bed.. Things at home seem to be going well I called home and nothing seemed different.. I am semi used to waking up at 5:30 every morning everyone doesn't get up till 5:45 so I like taking my time ..I have some good outcomes of being here and also some worrysome ones but I'm sure I'll get over them.. Time is going to slow I am trying to keep my Mind off the break but people keep counting down the days..

Day 3

Today went by good all the "first weeks" go through this process of tests and letting us know some more info about the center ..I am still trying to avoid all the secondhand smoke I pray I don't get lung cancer .. And in our room my roomates are cool but they cus so much and I find my self slipping but in my head haha oh today we had a swim test but I was dissapointed because we had to swim arcoss the width of the pool and I was done in lest then a minute i was going to come back but then I heard the best news ever my roomates told me about the gas station across te street off campus that has free wifi I waited a minutes and then headed for it ..I come to find out that the 1 hour leaves(that's all we get) don't start till 5:30 so I came back to the room seeing it was only 4:20 I watched a movie but I couldn't enjoy it because I kept checking the time I headed back around 5:20 and there was a line forming so I took my place and waited finally I got to the gas staion and I was ecstatic to find out that it was true .. I posted my blogs checked myspace and texted..seeing as I only had an hour it flew by .. I bought chapstick because my lips are super chapped .. I came back and stayed in my room I passed the time on my iPod and started feeling weary about my descison on staying or going i would feel like a failure but I m reading this book about Christmas but I came across how we are selfish beings try to control our own lives and end up missing out ..I have to admit I came here with the worst intentions although I haven't done anything there are plenty of traps around campus.. Well I have been pyaing and reading so Im leaving it in Gods hands oh and "I MISS GLEE" ugh I won't be able to see it next week either and the hour ahead difference here doesn't help because I think it comes on earlier .. I don't remember though.. I haven't watched tv since I got here I was having myspace withdrawals haha I got my fix today but started feeling homesick.. Christmas break is around the corner I can't wait :D

Day #2

Well I got through my second day today was all medical shots and vitals the whole 9 yards I then we got to meet some "important people" like the center director ..i have also concluded that there is no accesible wifi in the area .. The ones that I picked up were locked and I guess it was the directors or something.. So I will keep blogging but all my posts will come up at one time whenever I get in a hot spot which doesn't seem like anytime soon .. I am having doubts I mean the people are alright but everywhere you go there are smokers I won't be suprised if I end up getting lung cancer there is so much second hand and the grounds reeks of the smell.. There are designated smokers areas but doesn't look like anyone takes it serious. ..bleh.. And from what I hear people my age get tired of this place because the first month is pretty much preperation.. I played with the thought of calling it quits but it's only my second day and had all that commotion with me leaving.. Would the smoking and other minor problems be enough to justify going home? Idk..

Utah!!!

So I don't know where to start .. Ok so. I could not sleep last night for nothing i woke up around 6 and stayed lying in bed thinking about what my trip and the plane was going to be like.. I was packed I got to the airport and it went smooth I got on the plane and it was nothing I enjoyed it although I didn't get window seat and the person sitting next to me was kinda annoying but I got through it I got my luggage it took about an hour for everyone to arrive because there was like 13 more people going to the same place we got on a bus and headed to eat pizza .. After another 45 minute drive we got to the campus .. It's awesome . Way more then I expected .. I seriously need a laptop.. There is a gaming room, theatre, full gym and so much other stuff.. It's cold but my sweaters worked good .. I have a room with 5 other guys 3 of them are so funny but constantly talk dirty .. The other 2 are wierd.. One suppsosedly talks to himself and the other guy is new to and is odd but he is kids my first friend haha his name is "Oleg" but his nickname is Lego.. He's cool but says some random stuff .. Well today was awesome I should have brung my phone because these guys are cool almost everyone has some sort of electronics and a majority of people are gamers and hackers ..

I don't know how to end this my mind is so scattered so bye for now :D

To anxious to sleep

It is exactly 6:44 and I am not sure if I even slept.. I think I dreamt for about 5 minutes and then was back rolling over struggling for comfort.. Ugh..

Well yesterday was my suprise going away party even though I would normally complain about not making it a big deal I was happy I got to actually have a formal good-bye .. Wow what a party it was.. I was good walking up to the building I was good seeing everyone there then when I seen my mom i could see her trying to be strong wether it be for me or not to make a scene but I could tell I walked to give her a hug but I felt my phone vibrate I seen it was my sister so I answered, she asked all the normal questions cause I guessing forgot to claryfy but she knew I was leaving in the middle of the call my voice started quivering.. I shook myself to get a grip and got through the call then at the end she says to keep in touch because my neice and nephew look up to me and will miss me .. I did my best to calm my voice but once I said by I knew it was over ..this whole time since I found out I was leaving I didn't cry I didn't want to. But all my emotions started to flood through! I was freaking crying and in front of alot of my friends I knew I had to get it together so I ran to seclude myself I am glad Noone saw I took deep breathes and I was good but my eyes told otherwise I walked back not knowing what to say about my leaving or my bloodshot eyes so I hesitated going back in.. I then see my mom I ask her for some eye drops once I had them in I hoped they would relieve the redness but then I see my mom crying .. I was on the brink of losing it she hugged me and I should have told her I loved her but it was all I could do to not start balling(extreme crying) but I cringed my teeth and fought it although stray tears would come I knew the jig was up and people would see I had cried.. It took a good 15 minutes for me to shake it off and have regular conversations with people as I watched there eyes stare with this look as they seen my teary bloodshot eyes.. I tried to lighten the mood and tried to be humorous and it finally paid off.. The night went well and I took alot of pictures said alot of good-byes.. It felt so strange and awkward but it was sort of like closure..

Good -bye for now I hope to keep blogging I wad given a neat journal but would feel primitive using it .. Haha
Adios until the search for a good wifi hot spot Is over :)

(I love you mom)