By your side

A while back I went through this phase known to me as "the dark time" where I could care less about what people though and was on a mission to get back at the people that hurt me.. I made friend that told me "not forgiving a person is like drinking poison .. Your only hurting yourself at first I shrugged it off but it started to wear on me and everywhere I turned there was something with the theme of forgiveness .. Flash foward to the healed wound .. I have finally come to rest.. They hurt me.. Who knows the real motive but I'm leaving it to God .. But now I feel as if I have been outcasted.. I am ignored unless in a situation where I need to be aknowledged.. There are actually only 3 people doing this.. They are all leaders and I know for a fact that one has vowed "well I'm not going to talk to him anymore". No matter how much I try to ignore it I always see them doing there leader responabilities ..two of them teach and one sings and the have important roles in the church.. So this is what gets to me.. They teach and preach forgivness but are willing to ignore and exclude a person.. I don't know ..but with this situation I think back to my "dark place" and how I had the view of ..what if it's not me what If I'm not the one doing wrong..but of course they aren't subject to that consideration .. And now with my view of my pastor being blinded and unwilling to see the signs which are running our church into the ground.. I see all of this and sigh because we are supposed to be the example the city on the hill but we can't even work as one body like the bible says.. God your will be done .. Only you know what Is best and your ways are perfect and your plans for us are unknown but I call for conviction and revival.. Amen. ..

You never really loved....

I'm semi used to using my iPod to post I will never fully enjoy it since I prefer an actual keyboard and I make tons of spelling errors despite the auto correct.. It crosses my mind sometimes thinking if people still read my blog but I really just consider a place to write out my thoughts

Today I was a change .. I am finally actually able to breath through my nose and although the mucus has taken refuge in my throat and I am constantly clearing it has to mean my healthy days are just around the corner .. This morning I rolled over an then heard "good morning Anthony" I wasn't startled because I knew the voice so I looked toward my brothers bed and it took a second for my eyes to adjust but it was my niece .. She felt sick so she came to stay .. I told her she could help herself to anything and play my iPod because I wanted to sleep atleast another hour she said ok and I fell back asleep.. I got up and she was still lying on my brothers bed playing my iPod so I got up I overheard my mom say that my nephew would also be coming because he got sick and needed to come home .. Soon we were all in my room a sespool of bacteria haha.. We watched movies and my niece slept most the day.. I made them lunch and it was 2 another day spent in bed what a waste..Before I knew it I had to start getting ready for church .. The kids were picked up and I got a call from Saul asking for a ride so I headed to his house and then to the church.. I talked to a couple youth ad then it was time for class.. The lesson was semi interesting and I tried my hardest to keep concentrated but I yawned .. Th study was ok . Soon it was over and I headed out I was ready to go so when the youth got out I kept the conversation short and soon I was dropping my cousin off at her house and on my way home.. I got in and was eager to watch my wednesday show "Glee" it was alright it made my day because people were pratically trying to force me into a bad mood.. .. But right now I find myself restless on my bed .. I mean how do I expect to fall asleep when I did nothing all day.. Usually prayer works so thank you God ..

The sickness is waning..

Ok so I've pretty much been drugged up for the last 3 days I believe I have developed an immunity to the effects of nyquil because it no longer works.. But we are pretty much stocked on drugs.. All prescribed of course .. Anyways my days have consisted of me lying in bed all day and with the inability to drive because of the medication it is all I can do to keep myself from going crazy.. I have even talked to myself for about 5 minutes the conversation. Was about my nose .. Haha and how I have wiped it with all sorts of things .. I have 2 dedicated shirts which I use but from 3 days of sneezing and blowing my nose is really hurt.. I can't even think of the word I wanted to use but yea my nose is super red .. I feel my symptoms going away so I am looking foward to actually being able to have my voice recognized when I answer the phone ..

Swine flu!.. Nah just a standard one ^_^

So Friday was the big day.. Sarahs quincenera .. The day started with me taking my mom to like 4 stores so by the time we got back I had to start getting ready.. My brother was home and I told him he should take a shower so he did and ended up putting on his tuxedo.. I told him he didn't need to wear it yet. He said it was my fault for not being specific .. I don't know but before I knew it we were heading to sarahs sisters.. We arrived expecting to be late.. We weren't we were actually were the first .. We waitied and folded these papers and by that time everyone had arrived the limo came and we headed to the hall .. We took pics and were nervous about the dance but we got through it flawlessly .. Then it was time to dance I have to admit I like to dance but it was a little uncomfortable but with a little(alot) of coaxing me and victor eneded up on the dance floor .. Haha .. The night flew by and the night ended I slept good only to awake with a sore throat I thought it was from trying to talk over the music the night before but the nasty mucus made me think otherwise.. I noticed my nose was running but didn't dare admit or even let the thought enter my head that I was sick.. I showered and got ready to leave for sports camp and I felt better .. I rode a horse haha.. But we had some drama at sports camp so I was glad when it ended .. Moi asked if I wanted to go to a friends party with him and Vic because it would be easy cause I would be there rides .. I agreed but was reluctant because I didn't know anyone but I endured that the night before and I like to keep to myself.. It was fun but my runny nose came back with a vengence .. The house was stuffy and I am sire I had a fever but I hoped to sweat it out .. I was also texting my friend zabdi who was at the fair with her mom and little brothers.. They said they were leaving and would be walking so I offered them a ride ..at this time I didn't feel lke being at the party becUse j was so stuffed up.. So I headed off to pick them up.. I wad then told by my brother that I could Leave because they had a ride .. I was mildly happy so I left.. I was treated to a icee which just tasted like air.. But it was ok.. Then I got a call from my mom saying that I needed to pick up victor .. I did and ended up takin Moises home.. .. Now I'm home and lying on my bed.. I am happy becAuse although I am sick I had planned on resting from this hectic week anyway .. Woo now it's time to slow down :D

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

I havent been posting lately because this week is so rushed.. driving is actually tireing and you can never get used to crazy drivers.. but its been a good week..


Tuesday: spent most of the day planning and scheduling.. the weather was crazy.. the rain was refreshing but I had to drive.. around 3 me and saul went to volunteer at a afterschool program and around 5 i headed home to get ready to go to the first Quice practice .. I picked up my brother from school and we were driving blind for a while because i wasnt aware of the studios location.. we ended up by riverpark and is was by fresno city .. it was really pouring around this time and i was warily driving on the freeway.. thank God we found the place safely.. we were actually 4 minutes early..that was defiantly God.. haha... we entered and right away the instructor struck me as serious and strict and then the way she treated people it was true.. i tried to keep my composure feeling bad for whoever she caught doing something she didnt approve of.. we got through a couple times and then to our luck.. the power went out.. it sucked but the instructor said to head to her home.. and there she seemed to lighten up at her house we got through the steps and it was agreed that we would have another practice because 1 didnt seem nearly enough to get it..


Wednesday: today was seemed more relaxed I did my chores and before I knew it I was taking my godmother to get her medicine.. I hurried home because I had to pick up my brother because we had a long practice ahead of us it was much easier since I knew where I was headed we stopped for lunch and headed to sarahs sisters house.. we were there early so we tried talking but it was often full of awkward moments.. all those babies.. hahaha.. we practiced and it went good maybe because of the repetition.. soon it was time to head to the instructors house .. we practiced and it went well I came home and felt a little sore in my right leg so after I showered I put some chinese ointment.. I actually was able to fall asleep without any "help" haha.. but i did say i would stop relying on the nyquil.. haha..


Thursday: Today I woke up still tired.. as i was lying in my bed I realized it was thursday and that meant christian club at sunnyside.. I like to go for support and see the youth getting involved and making it known that they are christian.. I got dressed and headed to the school.. I didnt wait for zabdi to meet me so I walked alone to the room where the club is held.. I seen elianeth and eze so I sat by them.. I didnt greet the President of the club like I wanted to.. I had questions for him and let him know where I was from and that I liked the idea of the club .. but I just said hi.. haha.. the "study" went by quick and then it was over.. so I just hung out and talked to the youth from my church.. lunch was over and moises asked for a ride since he didnt have any more classes for the day.. we headed to my house until victor got out.. I dropped him off and me and victor headed for yet another practice.. I feel like we have the dance down..I am staying sure that we wont mess up.. ha.. everyone gots it and tomorrows the big day..

Love me hate me

There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain and the ones that observe: Circus -Britney Spears

ok I beleive the last time I posted was Friday .. It's been a long weekend and no acess to a computer is starting to wear on me.. The iPod pltext prediction sucks I put "watch" and "whatchamacallit" came up haha ..ok so here's the last 2 days in a summary. Saturday:went to sports camp, hung with moises and saul, went to mois house, came home did yardwork. Sunday: I drank a starbucks to be peppy and it worked but I was drafted into the preschool watching 3&4 year olds..I misse service for that and was kinda dissapointed about that.. After church came home tried to sleep ended up talking in the phone and soon it was time for the church Meeting.. Went to that .. Had bight church Which was Boring to say the least.. It should cease in 2 more Sundays ..after that I came home and did the usual..

Today was unproductive I wanted to do something but I talked in the phone and the time flew I was thinking about what I have to do this week to be at my best for an event I will be in..but around 2 I knew my niece and nephew were going to be walking through the door in a matter of minutes so I knew my day was wasted.. They came and we watched a rather old movie but kne that I liked .. I the. Got a call from Moises asking for a ride I said I would be there I threw on a hat to save time from doing my hair didn't bother putting on shoes since I prefer driving barefoot then with sandals it wasn't until I had to get out of the car to open the trunk for him .. I noticed I looked all rugged and dirty mainly because my shorts were rather dirty probably when I went to see my dogs.. It also didn't help that I didn't have any shoes haha.. We laughed and he picked up something to eat and I dropped him off .. I came back home .. Texted and watched tv.. The kids got picked up and I started to clean the disaster area that was our room.. Watched heroes and took a shower .. Now I'm here relaxing and listening to music .. Feels good to post.. Sorry about the recent rants :D

A question that has been plaguing me recently is an odd one... It's "why do people like me" I have heard alit of times "it won't be as fun if your not there" and I wonder why.. And also I attract a group of youth but don't know why they are interested.. Maybe they just need an ear but I wonder if people are drawn to me.. not in the liking way but they need a dose of anthony haha .. I sound so conceited but I think nothing of the sort I just wonder why I dont feel special I have a particular example I had a friend who was a guy we became good friends hung out a lot and attended the same church but he always wanted me by him and even complained that I didn't give him enough attention I said sorry and tried to give him more I hope this doesn't come off weird he is fully straight but I was just his security blanket I guess haha.. This particular event has happend 3 times twice with girls and once with a guy .. Idont know where I'm going with this but I am just asking why.. I just want to also say that I never turn down a person who needs to talk.. I look for the est in people and have massive patience although certain people can blow through that in a second ..I closing(haha) I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate my friends or sound like in full of myself i am just seeing a quality God gave me and am hoping I am using it the way God wants..That's it my head hurts .. Post tommorow :D

If you asked me to leap out of my boat on the crashing waves
And if you asked me to go preach to a lost world of Jesus save
I`ll go but I cannot go alone cause I know I`m nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I`m weak He makes me strong
When I`m blind He shines His light on me
Cause I`ll never get by livin on my own abilities - Casting Crowns

Do you ever wonder if people resent you because of your gifts? I ask because I used to be close to a certain person.. We had a falling out and all was forgiven or so I thought .. If a person acts as if your not present unless they ae forced to doesn't that exude a type of resentment or something.. I see this persons pretty often and it's the same I avoid him and he avoids me Its obvious this person has something against me but when I say that he resents my gifts it's because the light that draws people to me I know this person gets annoyed when I show up because I distract his people .. I don't want to say to much because I don't want drama.. It's just been on my mind and I find it ridiculous

Today I felt a strong sense of nervousness it was ridiculous ok so I woke up and realized it was Thursday and I wanted to atsunday Sunnyside highs Christian club I checked the time and I had 3 hours to get ready so I did then I started over thinking .. I started imagining scenarios like "what if they call to speak" or "what if the ask me to lead a study" I was nervous but I knew I would wan to talk about evangelism because I have been looking into this certain style called "way of the master" so I got prepared got my verses and soon it was time to go .. I started gettig stomach quivers as I headed out the door so I recited 2 Tim. An headed off I got there said another prayer(I was really nervous but didn't know why so I arrived and headed into the office I managed to ask the secretay for a visitors pass without shaking but as for signing in.. My hand was literally shaking!! I got a grip and headed to the out the office door as I looked around I felt a flash back .. Everything was the same the sea of students, where the groups sat I forgot to breathe until I was shocked back to reality by a group of guys staring.. I probably stood out .. I grabed my phone and texted zabdi because she was going to be my guide then I also isedto oppurtunity to text my old friend and tell her I was here I got her text back first she responds with "what where!!" so I told her and then I went looking for zabdi I seen her and jr so I waved and we met and then she said to follow her the route we took couldn't have been better because I heard "Anthony!!" and I turned to see my friend yarely whom I haven't seen in like 4 years.. Maybe 3 haha but I told zabdi I would be right there as I turned to go catch up k was greeted by one of those hugs where a girl throws her hands around your neck and hangs. I was tempted to spin like in the movies haha but I resisted and hugged back we caught up remeniced about old times and she laughed when she asked why I had a bible in my pocket I explained and we parted because I was already a little late for the club luckily I had Candis texts so I headed to where I thhought the class was .. Having attended sunnside 2 years I was familiar with the halls but I came to licked. Doors so I headed to another entrance it had to be God because I then ran into edwuardo a boy from church I was suprised to see him he was alone so I talked to him he asked if he could walk with me I hapilly agreed and we both headed to find the room .. We found it without any problems he was reluctant to go in but gave in with little struggle we got stares so we found our seats quickly I zoned in and knew what the teacher was talking about it was about Daniel and his friends shadrach meshach and abednego j was familiar with this story but I noticed the student teacher was nervous it was even more obvious when he started saying "thermos" instead of furnace I seen the youth from church there and laughed at myself because none of my Scenarios happened not even close ..i noticed Gilbert the youth minister was there.. With his son.. I was like wtheck.. Not because it was him but because he brought his son.. It was weird to me but after the meeting ended I greeted my people but got to caught up and didn't get to introduce myself to the club president.. There was some time left and my friend Jose asked if I wanted to meet his friend Brisa I Sadi of course because she is a friend of his who added me ad we have talked on occasio but never met so I took the oppurtunity we walked and talked but he couldn't find her ..lunch was over so I said bye to Jose and he hurried to his next class as I headed for the office I found the experiance great because I had no where near as much confidence walking in the halls of my old school as when I attended there .. I headed home and looked for something to eat for my lunch .. I settled for corn dogs I got caught up in a show and before I knew it my niece and nephew were here.. From there it was te same..Around 5 I was asked to go pick up a soda from the corner store for dinner I asked my niece if she wanted to come and she said yes so we left for 711 she was talking about boys from her school and how they annoy and bother her and her friends .. I snikered because of the obvious "boy teases girl he likes" so typical of elementary school we got to the store and got the soda a women that came out and was parked next to me kept staring I waited to see if she was going to back up but she didn't I looked and she was still staring probably thinking the same.. So I backed out first haha then I came to the curb and there was a car on the street in front so I could see the passenger and backseat people .. There was a lady in the front and a girl in the back.. The windows were down and they were both staring I laughed because my niece noticed as well it was uncomfortable but alas the light turned green ad they went .. A car let me cut in so I go onto the street and drove home ... I had dinner and helped with puttig in a roof of a shed my step dad put together .. I then had to babysit so I put on Hercules after tag I watchd monsters verses aliens . I was suprised to hear they mention Fresno in the movie haha the movie was actually pretty funny .. My sister came home so I took my nightly shower and now I'm lying in bed hoping I get a good night sleep With no wake ups which have been happening lately .. Night :D and if you are reading or have read any of these .. Your awesome and thanks haha :D

Addiction

Ok I have known myself to do this. I play a new found favorite song until I get tired of it .. As of now it is "somebody to love" the Glee remake .. I love the Glee versions like take a bow and bust your windows those girls are talented .. So yesterday I was found meself watching "Hamlet 2" that movie had me laughing is so dumb.. There are doing a skit I don't know the premise or what or if there is a hamlet 2 but Jesus was in it .. It was a musical type thing and the lyrics were catchy .. I laughed hardest when the girls over enthusiastically screamed "o my God it's Jesus!!!" when he was coming down and walking on water.. Lately me and my brother have been butting heads .. He has developed this attitude that can put me from calm to punch someone in the face mode in a matter of seconds .. I know I am the older brother and should set the example but does that mean I have to be freaking perfect.. I mean he models his hair like me.. Got vans, an iPod touch, I know those seem little but they annoy the crap out of me.. He is very impressionable ..by 4 people in particular .. They say a new band and the next day my brother has all the songs from the band.. I mean there could be a chance he did hear the song and took a liking but I see it also with his actions as if to prove himself to be "funny". To live up to the name "crazy locs" .. I this it's dumb how I talked about him this whole time but this is weighing so hard on my mind and heart.. It's like aaah I need space .. Anyway I noticed the call of the world is back.. I will leave all this to God ..

Take a bow

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting - Psalm 139: 23-24

that is taken from an awesome psalm in the bible .. The whole verse is David talking to God telling how God knows him in everyway the verse finishes with the one I put up there .. I have been reading that book I mentioned and it was talking about temptation and how God doesn't tempt us nor the devil or anyone else.. The temptation comes from within it comes from our desires I like how the book clarifies that if a thought enters our head and it isn't a good one it is up to us to play around with the though letting it grow inevetably acting on the temptaion.. The book uses a hotel analogy.. "we can't keep people out of the lobby but we can keep them from getting a room". Have you ever heard the expression "well I can't help it God made me this way" the book calls it "the blame game" they put the blame on God so that the may have an escuse to sin..


Today was good I woke up to my mom and step-dad leaving for LA because for some reason my mom had to get diagnosed by a specialist but they sent her to one in LA .. Stupid right.. But they left and I took a shower.. I descided that today was the day to do my mission project.. Reluctant to leave at first I prayed and read 2 Timothy 1:7 then headed to the church.. I got some church flyers and headed into the neighborhood..I ran into 1 woman but she was Spanish speaking so I just gaver her a church flyer.. I felt unprepared so I headed back to my car and drove home.. I saw Christina and knew that I shouldn't have left because if I did the whole complex like I wanted I would have got a chance to talk to her because I heard her grandmoter recenty passing hit her hard.. But I headed home .. Once here I put on tv and dove into the humongous pile of clothes ad folding and hanging them.. Then my niece and nephew came ..i helped with hw and wanted to get an diagnosis for my computer.. I went to one place but they weren't open despite the "come in we're open" sign in the window.. I googled a place in the area and headed there .. It led me downtown.. That's when the trouble started.. First I passed my street so I went to do a uturn and then seen that I was on a one way street!! I was honked at by the only car by me thankfully realized my mistake and turned around again .. Came to another one way and followed it but didn't notice a redlight until I seen cars coming out I wasn't close enough to hit anything but I hit the brakes..the tires went squeeling and I skidded a considerable ways and was barely in the crosswalk.. It was so embarresing .. I kept hitting myself for being so dumb and eneded up not finding the place.. I gave up and headed home.. Soon after my niece and nephew were picked up I was alone watching tv until my sister came home.. I noticed my brother wasn't home and figured he had band practice .. I expected the usual call to go pick them up but he walked in around 8:40 I was upset cause for one he didn't call and two I him not calling to say he ddnt need a ride made me wait up and I could have took the dogs for a walk.. But he is inconsiderate like that.. We then argued about little stuff I guess he was in one of his moods.. Then Moises called ad we talked a while .. After we hung up I headed to the shower when I got out I groaned at the thought of posting from my iPod .. But here I am again.. Lying in bed tapping away on my iPod :D

Look here he comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know he
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Everybodies Fool -Evanescence (put he in place of she)

here I am again on lying on my bed struggling to type out a post on my iPod theres a huge stack of clothes I didn't fold to my right and my I can see my brother in my peripheral vision to my left he is waving his iPod for Some reason..as I lie here I can't help but think of what tommorow will bring.. Lately Its been on my mind to go into the neighborhood around the church and let people know what our church has like the food bank or weekend sports camp.. I have slot of reasons not to go like "what if I run into a Spanish speaking person" that would be hard because I don't speak spanish ..I also think of what If the opputunity to share the gospel comes up what would I say.. I was supposed to go today but I didn't but on Sunday I found a verse in the bible that says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 1 Timothy 1:7 " I always get nervous when I think of telling people that they are going to hell not directly but it's what the bible says unbeleivers have in store .. What I need to think more of is how God is more interested in saving them...

So today was simple.. I got like no sleep last night .. I woke up 4 times web though I had resorted to nyquil .. I was awaken by my mom saying I needed to get up and do chores and then go get a haircut.. I was dead tired so I didn't get up until the second time she called ..I went out in pjs and did my chore then I showered.. I figured I didn't need a haircut but I went and got the back and sides cleaned up .. It cAme out good.. Even with my traumatic experiance of going bald haha.. After that my room needed a serious cleaning so I started on that .. I was watching a vh1 special about the richest heirs and heiresses .. Omgosh they are unbelievably rich.. Luckies.. Haha i got done in good time and rested then i heard my niece and nephew arrive they came in and we watched tv and I helped with homework.. Time passéd they left and we had dinner .. I watched tv and looked forward to heroes.. I tried to watch but it doesn't catch me like it used to.. I showered and now I'm in bed realizing it's barely 10:31 i am hoping tommorow is more productive and exciting .. Ugh it was a Monday enough said right ... :D

Unbreakable

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me -Unbreakable: Fireflight

Have you ever heard the saying "Use it or lose it" ... teachers usually use that expression talking about brain use.. but I like to use it as your God given talents.. a friend of mine asked me what I think her talent is.. I told her she is a good singer although I havent really heard her sing.. just in the car and random times.. but she feels like she isnt talented enough in that area so I also mentioned teaching.. thats a old one.. everyone mentions teaching.. but just now it was revealed that she is a great coordinator.. she is always asked to put together get togehers.. and although its stessful she pulls through.. I havent told her that.. but how do you implement that into Gods plan for your life.. I dont know .. So I told her to pray and ask for God to help her discern her thoughts and his plans..
Honestly I dont even know what my talents are.. people say im crazy because its obvious.. but I really have no burning desire.. ok so I love working with kids, I love helping people, teaching is ok, and helping the youth was my best time.. even though I was in it just for fun at the time.. but now I am looking for where God needs me.. the point of this is.. If you know your talent.. use it for God and he will use you in a big way.. and if you dont know your talent.. Pray.. read the bible.. and ask your friends what are your strengths.. there are so many ministry options.. I want to meet a future missionary and see the fire they have because it must be powerful for them to want to GO like the bible says out of their comfort zone and reach out to the hurting.. "There goes another minute. Gone forever. Go share your faith while you still have time". (taken from "the way of the master" minute.)

Today I woke up late for church.. I woke up with 30 minutes to get shower, dress, and drive to church... when I got up my family was already gone so I just hopped in the shower.. time flew by and I knew I was going to be late.. I got to church around 9:40 and expected to walk into class in the middle of a lesson and I would be confused.. but thankfully I didnt.. Christina the young adult teacher had a grandma that recently died.. and she is taking it hard.. so her husband took the class today.. they were 2 students so I took my seat and told that they were going around telling about our challenges we had during the week.. I opened up about how the call of the world is screaming at me.. I see alcohol and my curiosity wants to take over.. and the "night life" seems euphoric but I know its all smoke and mirrors to something dark and ugly.. I didnt elaborate much but I said enough.. the youth pastors wife joined us and we had didnt have much of a class .. it was more of a chat session.. soon after class ended I ran into everyone.. I found myself backed into a wall haha it usually gets like that.. I talked to everyone I could and had a side chat with moises about his predicament.. .. then it was time for service.. I sat alone again.. well I was joined by moises little brother as usual.. I dont mind because he doesnt distract me so its cool I was in and out of the sermon one saying pastor used stuck with me.. he was referring to marriage and how so many are failing and said this "was it Love, of uneducated enthusiasm".. it made me thing because many people do say that after the wedding.. the euphoria dies soon after.. but when its true Love bound by God there is a constant euphoria .. although troubles do arise.. with God in the center they can be overcome. After service we had the lords supper and a baptism.. then it was over.. I headed out with my friends and after a while slipped away because I was supposed to meet my family at taco bell.. they called and said they would bring it home instead so to go straight home.. While eating we watched a tv series called "Way of the Master" its a neat show because they interview people on the streets asking questions like "is there a hell" and "who goes there" and "you being a sinner what does that mean".. usually the answers are the people admitting they are sinners and realize by Gods standards they are going to hell.. they have a cool method of sharing the gospel .. this is the website if you want to check it out "Wayofthemaster.com" after 2 episodes I was tired so I headed into my room to watch alice in wonderland.. I found it boring and fell asleep.. haha.. I woke up in time to get to 711 and get an iced coffee and head to church with good time.. I met up with saul and we talked for a while before everyone showed up.. then cesar came up and someone told him he should teach a youth class for night church.. reluctant at first because it was already descided that youth were to be in service .. but then he agreed and we headed upstairs.. he allowed me to go so there were 9 of us .. he didnt have anything planned so he talked about what ways we could declare our faith throughout our daily lives.. It was really good I had some input.. towards the end sauls mom entered and said some stuff in spanish.. and me being a mexicant wansnt able to understand.. but I knew she was upset because we had a class and she told saul to come downstairs.. .. after that cesar wrapped up and we all headed downstairs in time for the last 5 minutes of night service and prayer.. after it was more talking and I headed home... I watched some of the movie titanic then i took a shower and I am sitting here on my sisters computer cause she is still out.. but im not complaining.. :D

I dont care what you think, as long as its about me

When I saw a flash of light and I heard the sound
Of a voice like thunder shake the ground
It was the first time I remember
ever feeling my heartbeat - The day you found me: Big daddy weave
(the story in the bible when Saul became Paul)

Well I still have access to a computer but its my sisters so im not able to get on as much since its in her room and she lives in here.. but Im still working on mine.. So recently I noticed I have been hanging around a certain youth alot.. His name it Saul.. When I first met him I got the impression of trouble maker.. it didnt change but at one point I asked God to use me to get through to him.. I dont know how or in what way but just to use me.. we have hung out and went to some other youths games.. hes a funny person to be around but now that I know him more he isnt a trouble maker he will always be the class clown but that kid is talented especially on drums.. and even more so on Rockband.. haha.. I dont know if ive been any influence on this person but I hope it was in a Good way...

Today was fun I didnt go to sports camp because I was tired from the night before and I felt bad because I promised to be there for to people.. I will have to apologize tomorrow.. I then for a call from Saul. he asked if I could give him a ride home because sports camp was over I said ok but still had to get dressed because I was in my pjs.. I didnt tell him that part I just said I would be there in 5 minutes..lol it actually took about 20.. but I got to moises house where they were playing rockband .. it was just Saul, moises little brother Benji and this guys known as ellys stalker... haha.. we ended up staying and playing until I asked if they wanted to go see Moises, Elly and my brother at a car wash fundraiser they were having.. .. we head over and talked for a while.. we all headed back to moises for more rockband.. wow... ikr... we stayed till and then me and my brother headed home but I wanted to stop in for my Godmothers birthday party.. we did and said hi stayed for a while but it got cold so we headed home and watched Gi Joe.. .. that movie is to corny for my taste.. some of the graphic and lines... egh.. but now im showered and happy to have my fingers hitting keys instead of lying on my bed using my Ipod.. haha.. Good night.. church tommorow.. God is Awesome .. duh.. haha :D

Aaaah!!!!

*breathes* Right now I am aching with anger i'm squirming in my bed restraining myself from beating the crap out of my idiotic brother ...there is always fighting and rivalry betwen but when they don't take your freaking advice because they are retarted and the thing you warned them about happens .. What do you do... So Like half an hour ago I get up to take a shower because my brother was going to bed and he always complains about the tv so I got my clothes I noticed the computer was off As my custom I always get online after I shower so I went to turn it on.. Then it happend .. I pressed the power it went on for a second and shut off in that second my blood ran cold .. I shrugged and thought maybe I didn't press it hard enough so I go to press it again.. Same thing happens ..I go ask my brother what he happened and he got into his "wha I don't know what's going on" mode.. I know he always does that when he did something and the lying usually follows .. He said he was on myspace .. I said and.. I turned it off .. I cringed and asked him how and he pointed to the surge protector..I got sooo mad I have told him over and over not to turn it off from there.. 3 times today in fact but here he is still being stupid as a rock .. I didn't know wha to do so I ran to shower because the sight of his face was angering me more and more.. As I was showeing I was thinking of all the files I could have lost .. I am still Trying to be optimistic and thinking it will be better tommorow..for now I am posting this from my iPod

Aside from all that drama today was pretty good .I woke up and helped my mom load some tables into the truck then I got a call from my godmother(we used to be catholic she baptized me but even though I'm christian she still has her title haha) she called and asked if I wanted to go out to eat I said ok and headed to get her .. We got our food to go because we both had things to do I made it home and stayed on the computer for a while then I got a call from the people that are going to be sending me to Utah maybe haha but they said they had some paperwork for me so I said I would be there I got off the phone and realized I had to fill out this paper that asked for my 2 educational choices and I then had to get info on them.. I was getiting stressed and then my niece calls and said if I could pick up my nephew because she was going to stay for a volleyball game j said ok and rushed to get cleaned up and j rushed to pick him up I dropped him off at my house and then waded to the center .. I got their in good time and got the paperwork done so it may be 2 more weeks .. I got home and was looking foward to resting until I walked into my room and the most horrendous stench was resonating in my room I gagged and backed out I can't even explain this smell .. I turned on the fan and sprayed some axe body spray I then ram out .. I came back and the smell was still there I used some other body spray slot of it .. And left for a while longer I came back and the smell finally was subsiding I laid on my bed and watched tv until Moises called and we talked after a while I wanted to ask to go over but I had my brother ask .moi said yes so we headed over and played beetles rockband and rockband 2 before we were leaving we hung out side with elianeth and benji and stalker haha we laughed and played around we then headed home now we come to this .. The event I am hoping will resolve itself .. Poor computer .. We have been through so much haha. .... :D

A mouse!!!

Ok so my mom and step-dad went to the fair and got back a while ago.. as they were getting ready to go to bed I heard my step-dad say "I know he's not going to stay on that computer all hours of the night".. this was me >_> .. not a second later my mom comes up and says "what am I doing" but not really asking more like why am I on .. personally I love to be on at night.. my mind wakes up and I have a brain surge where thoughts and stuff are running through my head.. which makes it hard to sleep.. but anyway I didnt respond because I was getting angry.. so she leaves to her room.. then my step-dad passes and says "dont leave your shoes in the living room".. a big majority of the way he talks to me is in orders.. and that pisses me off.. so I had to bite my tounge before I said something I would regret... I still felt mad so I descided to read my bible.. in the back it has a section that says "what to read when you feel (or have been)" ... it has alot of topic but I chose..Angry, Quarreling,bitter, and apathy.. they give you verses to read so but I only got through anger and Quarreling.. then it happened.. I heard a rustling sound coming from my room and in that instant I knew the mouse that had intruded was caught in the sticky trap we set.. I went to see and was surprised to see a little brown mouse.. having mice as pets before I began to have sympathy on this one.. its legs were stuck to the trap I picked the trap up being careful not to get bit and get rabies.. I ended up getting it unstuck and now it is in a fish tank in front of me.. its cute until it jumps trying to make its escape.. but he is trapped for now...



So today was similar to yesterday but I woke up earlier than usual.. I woke up to an empty house and noticed the nice weather.. I didnt know what to do so I went online.. I checked my email and social networking sites.. and twitter. I found this article called the 46 Stages of Twitterhttp://www.shanenickerson.com/nickerblog/2009/06/the-46-stages-of-twitter.html..I found it humorous because its true.. after that I went through my closet.. its been cold lately to I need to pull out the sweaters.. I love the feeling of a hoody... so comfy.. I felt icky because I hadnt taken my shower so I got my clothes and showered .. as I came out I heard my niece and nephew.. boy does time fly.. my mom asked if I could go pick up some pizza.. great there goes my eating healthy.. haha. I agreed but before I left I got a call from Moises.. him and my brother needed a ride I said i would be there and headed off... I picked them up. got the pizzas and we headed to my house.. we ate and looked up videos.. I watched last nights episode of Glee since I missed it.. it was alright.. I asked moises if he was ready to go home and he said yes so I took him home.. we seen his sister so I stayed and chatted a bit .. after I headed home.. ready to relax.. I downloaded the movie Hercules my all time favorite disney movie.. I still dont know if its sad that I know the lyrics to all the songs in that movie.. haha.. I passed time playing on my ipod and then was asked to watch my nephew that lives with is while his mom went to her boyfriends softball game.. I said yes and westarted watching hercules.. he has seen it before so he was tryng to sing along but I then began to wonder If the new generation would get the experience of disney movies I had..these days they have pixar and dreamworks.. but those cant top the oldies.. like lion king and Aladdin .. the movie ended and his mom was back .. so I came back to the computer and did some more surfing.. ..im now here at the end of my blog post with the same thing I say every time.. "sitting hear showered and ready for sleep".. my nightly routine stays the same...