Even heroes need a parachute

Paul: "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

I have to say... googling that verse brought me to a pretty cool blog.. (http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com)
I was searching for the verse because I have been reading this book called "Moral Earth Quakes and Secret Faults" In this book is uses fault lines and disasterous earth quakes and compares it to how people think that their "little sin" can go unnoticed or how they can keep sinning as long and the are careful.. but as the book says.. the small faults over time can cause catastrophic damage ..in this case to your life this verse stood out to me because here is paul.. an apostle struggling with something he knows he cant overcome ..I know I personally have a thorn.. I feel I can usually pretend its not there until it starts to press and make itself known.. not in a paining way but it has that aspect of the piercing calling it has..just when I think I have it under control the thorn comes back it seems harder to ignore.. .. but like the end of the verse says "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"... thats God talking to paul... let me go through this.. ok we know the definition of grace is "given something we dont deserve" so God says the strength I give you is sufficient to over come the trial.. then God says.. my power is made perfect in weakeness.. I take that as.. we are nothing without God..in everything let God lead and it will come through... according to Gods will of course.. sometimes the thorn wont be removed until we get to heaven..but God will be there every step of the way.. (this is mainly a reminder to myself)


Today was .... boring.. haha.. I woke up but did nothing.. my phone kept getting texts and that didnt allow me to fall back asleep so I started watching tv.. I didnt pay attention to what I was watching until I seen an actress I recognized.. it was a girl from one of my favorite movies "superstar".. .. oh the movie was "Nancy Drew".. haha i know right .. I finally decided I was done being lazy so I got up to shower .. I then searched everywhere for my earphones until it dawned on me that my bother took them by stupid mistake even though his are new and mine practically cut the lobe of your ear.. I ate lunch and ran some errands.. I was in like at the post office when i noticed the time.. it was 1:50 .. I remembered that my niece had detention and I needed to pick my nephew up .. I hurried home and headed off to get him.. the office attendants made me feel bad that I didnt know my niece and nephews teachers or room numbers.. but they pointed out my nephews teacher among the sea of children and teachers.. as I was walking I seen my nephew I stood there watching to see if he would notice me.. I heard a teacher and realized I probably looked like some pedophile.. he finally saw me and responded with his usual "what the heck".(he gets that from me).. haha... I said hi to his teacher and introduced myself .. me and my nephew headed back to my house.. he filled me in on his day and then asked to play a game on my Ipod.. time passed and I got a call from my cousin .. he wanted to know if he could ride with is to church .. I was happy he was interested and said of course.. he got here with my aunt and she was the kids ride back to sanger.. so they left .. me and my cousin caught up and left to church early we met up with moises who I still dont know why he was there early.. but we sat and talked.. then we were laughing about this lady that came up to us and felt our hair and told us we were handsome.. it was funny.. before I knew it.. it was time for class.. we all went our separate ways ... as I sat in my class I tried to be more attentive.. unfortunately we arent on a super interesting topic so I kept zoning out .. class was over and that mean the usual chatting outside so I headed out .. our class was out earliest as usual.. but after a few minutes the patio area was loud and people everywhere.. I talked to who I could and then hurried home.. I then watched tv and started thinking about how close the Quincenera is and what I needed to do by then.. as I headed to take my nightly shower I mapped out my plans in my head and made a goal..now its time for sleep.. Good Dreams to everyone... Good night :D

Show me what Im looking for

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
David Crowder : How He Loves Lyrics

ah that song speaks to me in so many ways... I mean come on think about it.. "He(God) is jealous for me" .. ME! a sinner.. born to sin by nature.. but God is there with open arms all the time every single day and the times I just walk away from him he will still be there I cant fathom how much he Loves us ...its overwhelming .. the jealous part is in the bible by the way.. and I think about how God would be jealous .. He wants us .. all of us.. not just what we give him on sundays.. he doesnt need us.. he wants us... everyday, every hour, every minute... To give us life to the fullest.. sometimes it seems to simple how he forgives us..but it is that simple.. Thank you God For loving me.. oh and make that personal .. he loves us all just the same I believe he shows it to each of us in our own special ways.. if that makes sense ..for me when I feel really bad about what I did or something that happened I call out to God to surround me and it never fails that a rush of what feels like a huge hug just envelops all around me and into my heart.. *sigh* ..


Well today wasnt special.. I didnt write yesterday because my cousin sammy came to spend the night.. he had this new online game he was dying to show me yesterday I woke up and was unusually groggy I didnt feel up to anything although I wanted to go see if sunnyside would allow me onto the campus during lunch but I procrastinated and the oppurtunity was lost.. my sister called and asked if I could take the kids to sanger because she was going to get out late.. I agreed and got ready .. the kids got here and we headed to sanger.. it was fun I like it over there I ended up getting a call from my cousin sammy he asked if it was ok if he could spend the night.i said it was but he insisted on asking my parents.. I called back a couple minutes later and asked what happened and he said they said yea and he in fact standing in my kitchen haha.. so i hurried back to fresno .. I walked in and noticed that my step dad was telling my cousin about Jesus... my cousin isnt a christian he is more philosophical and sees religion just as a good moral basis.. I honestly feel I destroyed my testimony with him because we know each other so well.. he was stuck talking for almost an hour and I was waiting in my room.. I told him if he wanted to show me the game and he lit up and was ecstatic about his new time consumer.. haha it was alright.. but I am still wanting to play WOW another online game.. but he is funny because he is so health conscious about what he eats and he says my house has to much temptation and the night mostly consisted of him saying he regretted what he just ate.. we went to sleep and he had to go to school so I drove him to his school... its so awesome cause he goes to Fresno State... I headed home and contemplated what to do.. I cleaned and watched tv.. did some online applications and by that time my niece and nephew were here .. they stayed till 6 as usual and I was unusually tired.. so I fell asleep.. I awoke from my nap and decided I should go get some groceries so I headed out .. I did a quick run through the store... nothing exciting happened.. I came home and took a shower as my normal nighttime routine..time for sleep :D oh and I didnt take a picture today.. sorry.. haha

Im safe up high nothing can stop me

Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You
Revelation song - Phillips, Craig and Dean


Today! wow today was awesome to say the least.. So I was wavering on wether or not to attend church but I got up and said ok God im going for you no one else so give me guidance.. wow! ... ok so as I drove up to church I still deciding whether or not to hide during break(I don't know how this helps in anyway).. but as I began to walk to class I seen everyone still outside.. so I didn't want to be rude so I stopped to chat.. I ended up walking to class.. So today Julie taught the young adults.. It was awesome.. I mean I like Christinas teaching but Julie had the words I needed to hear
our study was on purity.. these 1 verses Stuck out to me the most is "James 1:26 - If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on hos tongue, He deceives himself and his religion is worthless.. at first when I read it I connected it to my step dad because he always has something to say and its usually bad... for example one time we ate all the drumsticks(ice cream) and when he went to get one he went off it usually consists of "what no more Drumsticks, you know you guys are selfish and only think about yourselves and don't care about others.."... and on and on and on.. its like that on a daily basis... I have learned to tune him out fortunately.. but after a while I said.. ok how do I apply this to me.. and I was convicted..just because he lets his words out with anger and malice does that mean I should do the same.. Im usually good with that but sometimes we get into it.. .. ok back to my day.. class was over and I still didn't know what to do ... so i thought let me get some water.. I did and I started walking down the hall toward the sanctuary.. I was then approached by My friend Jose's dad .. He pulled me aside and asked if how I was.. I defaulted with the obvious lie "im good" but i guess he was informed so he said "are you sure,.. hows life" I didn't respond I just looked down and tried to smile.. he then told me he was praying for me and gave me some encouragement .. I really needed it .. and I knew God put me in that place where I would run into him.. .. after I walked out the side door and was spotted by benji .. I guess people were asking about me.. so I was approached by moises alan benji and my brother.. we started talking about my blog haha.. I was embarrassed at first because he said he read it .. but now its funny (HI MOISES AND ELLY oh and thank you for lunch..lol!! ) idk if they will even read this .. haha.. but soon it was time for service I sat in my usual spot and noticed another 2 friends on my side.. because I sit on the left and they usually sit on the right.. I was still alone until a boy named Filo sat next to me.. I gave him my Ipod and that kept him occupied so he didnt bother me.. haha.. worship was Good.. I liked the songs we sang and I sang to my God and it put joy in my heart like singing usually does.. after it was time for the sermon and it was alright.. I took 2 things from it.. reserving a quiet time just for God and for me to dream.. service was over and I talked to everybody I was heading home when I got a call .. it was my friend Moises asking if I wanted to go out to eat with them I accepted for one I havent hung out with them in a while and 2 .. orange chicken is bomb.. lol!! so I drove home and they picked me up.. we then drove to Manchester because Elly had to get he eyebrows done.. which led to Me moises benji and their dad running into this rather rude shop person.. he was trying to get us to go into this store liquidation.. he was quick with his words and tried to entice us with his less then amusing sales speech I was annoyed with him from when he approached us with "how come your not in my store".. ugh.. well he doesnt deserve much space on here.. ha.. we then headed out to eat.. we all ate till content the food was great I still laugh about the leper story(ask if you want details) :D we headed back to their house and I was excited to try out Beetles Rockband moi recently got.. I am not a big beetles fan.. by that I mean I dont know any of their songs by memory .. haha.. but it was fun I like it .. we then played regular rockband until church.. I was never good but I officially suck because I always start out new in my head and have to learn all the buttons.. wierd I know.. to summarize the rest.. we went to church ...it was terrible boring to me but I had some good laughs.. I decided to walk but it was like no one would hear of it.. I tried to be polite and decline but they were persistent.. I hope I didnt come off ungrateful .. but i really wanted to walk.. I got one family to accept that but then here comes Jose's family.. haha they almost got a corn man hit by a car.. I finally gave up and hopped in the truck.. I thanked them and headed inside.. now im showered and ready for bed.. good night :D

Bring the Rain

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain
Bring the rain -Mercy Me

Ok so i havent wrote in a while mainly because I was either lying in bed about to fall asleep and the last thing i think is how I didnt blog.. my other excuse is that nothing interesting enough happened.. but these past few days has been like an earthquake ok so Wednesday was pretty much the same oh day.. I got ready watched my niece and nephew and then before I knew it,.. it was time for church.. at first I was really into the lesson but then I was hit by a sudden wave of tiredness.. I was able to listen but didnt participate much.. after that I came home I noticed a show I wanted to watch was on so I starting watching and I have to say "Glee" is an awesome show.. but during my brother kept entering the room and leaving with the door open..so i got up to close it.. it happened 4 more times so I finally locked the door.. Glee was 5 minutes from ending when the knocking began.. I pretended not to hear and before I knew it my mom was knocking.. I was about to get up when I heard the sound of keys .. I got mad because I knew it was my step-dad trying to find the key to our room.. he was successful.. but he didnt stop he threatened to take off the door if i ever locked it again.. he was ranting about something but I was so angry I couldnt hear and my heart was beating so hard I could feel my shirt moving.. we ended up getting into an argument on how I was supposed to be setting an example for my brother.. I shot back on how he shouldnt speak because he doenst set an example .. but it went back and forth until the "My house My rules" card was played..(this was all built up anger and malice.. stuff like this doesnt come out of nowhere)... but after sitting on my bed fighting back anger tears I got up and left..I started driving unknown was my destination but I had to remind myself to keep the speed limit.. I ended up a few miles from sanger before I realized....my cousin lives in sanger but I told myself I didnt want to to go someones house so I turned around and headed back into fresno.. I kept driving until I was downtown.. I was in the worst place.. it was where the homeless live.. not the safest place.. but I didnt care.. I stopped in a semi well lit area and let it out to God.. asking why.. why is it so hard to get along.. why do I care so much that he doesnt speak to me or acknowledge my presence .. and every sunday its the same thing.. "smile for a couple hours" and then come home and roam around like a troll (literally and it doesn't help that he has a limp) but yea there I was in the middle of nowhere .. with an old factory to my right and to my left across the street was a gate and on the other side was made up tents everywhere at first I didnt see anyone then I began to see people walking around.. cars were passing.. I seen at least 5 prostitutes and 2 diesal trucks stopped but I dont believe they picked up any I prayed to be safe and safe I was .. only 2 people passed my car but they didnt stop.. by this time it was 11:40 and I was edgy.. I planned to sleep in the car but that was a risk in itself.. I had my mirrors set up so I could see behind me and to the sides.. I then seen 2 pairs of headlights .. as they approach one lights up .. its a cop.. I thought 2 cops were going to pull up behind me but he pulled over some other car.. I sighed relief and thought.. "I will leave when he is gone"... and that I did.. I finally headed home as I walked in the door I noticed my mom was still up.. she would be up worrying I headed to bed and she came into "talk" I wasnt up to it but something she said irked me where my heart began to race again.. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because that statement was so ludicrous to me... she finally got the hint and left... It wasnt long before I drifted off and was startled by my phones vibration I didnt want to wake up..it was thursday... but I then remembered I had an appointment with the apple store my ipod recently had its right touch side go out.. so I wasnt aware of apples procedure.. I went in and before I knew it I had a new Ipod.. they replaced it.. yay.. thank God.... the rest of the day consisted of me trying not to scratch the back of my Ipod .. my last one wasnt as lucky.. night came and went and it now im at today(Friday) .. this day was average.. you could cut the tension with a knife.. but today consisted of me reading this book.. I might write about it but not now.. this one got kinda long.... :D

In my head

I have a broad imagination.. sometimes I see myself singing my favorite song in front of my church.. I mean I guess I think I can sing..people have heard me sing but they never said it was ugly but they also have never recommended me to sing on stage or in worship haha I dont think im tone deaf, but so do the thousands that try out for American Idol.. I could already tell im no Jeremy camp or Matthew west two of my favorite Artists but I always picture me singing a song by them because the meaning behind it.. I also picture myself giving sermons.. talking about taboo subjects or confronting an issue.. it all looks good in my head but unfortunately.. thats where it stays..


So today was mundane, I woke up early because I had an interview of a differant sort.. its sorta my main plan but I am not really looking for it to go through because it will be a big change.. so I went and got it over with and found out its a long process so I was happy to hear that because I was afraid it would stop me from being in my friends Quince.. but I am still in.. yay!... but after that I came home staving because it was 3 hours long and by the time I got out I was starving..so I came home and ate lunch ..but something upsetting happend yesterday.. ok so I was watching tv and then I reach for my Ipod and find i difficult to unlock.. so I finally get it and then to my dismay I find out that a large part of the screen is not working..the "touch" went out.. so today I called apple and they made me an appointment at the apple store to see what they can do about it.. Usually I am patient but with nothing to do I headed for fashion fair... I got there and showed the man but he said it would be a 2 hr wait.. I should have waited but I ended up heading home.. what a waste of gas... I come home to find my niece and nephew and my nephew was more happy to see my Ipod then me.. haha.. but they stayed till 6 I took a nap and before I knew it my brother was calling for a ride.. I did that then came home just to go back out and get milk... I am finally rested .. fresh out the shower and am going to try my hardest to fall asleep so I can be up early tommorow because I am going to attend an annual event called see you at the pole where students gather and pray at the pole before school.. should be exciting.. I hope to have a great pic for my post!! :D

Heroes!

I wasnt aware they were going to make a new season but thanks to myspace bulletins I caught and the last 30 minutes and the second episode

Today was bland.. at least I think so .. I woke up early "7:40" but what was wierd was the dream I awoke from.. very vague so I wont go into details.. I was confused so I just lie there thinking.. then I was startled by my alarm clock so I knew it was time to get up.. I ended up watching a mtv show called "True Life" it was about people who got tattoos and ended up hating them..(which is why I havent got one.. yet) :P.. so yeah I ran some errands and on my way home I noticed it was already 2.. I forgot I was supposed to take my niece and nephew to Sanger so I started rushing.. then as I was passing their school I see my aunt at the intersection.. a few minutes later she called and said she picked them up.. I knew that when I seen her.. so I was at home with nothing to do.. time passed and I was in my room.. my sanctuary then my Mom came in and asked if I could come sit at the table to eat dinner and watch a 30 minute sermon by a good man named "Charles Stanly".. he is a great teacher... as first I was reluctant because I am distancing myself from my step dad because his hypocrisy is nauseating.. so I sat their a minute and said .. "OK Im doing this for you and mom, God"... so I went.. it was about accountability.. and like usual my step dad pulled out so much to judge us on..but I had left as soon as his rant began.. its like Charles Stanly is the leader of our house because not a day goes by without me hearing my step dad use a quote from him .. ...I was once again in the confines of my room where I like it and relaxed to my music.. around 7 I went to see my dogs and they were over excited as usual so i descied to take them for a walk.. its funny to see them jump in the car once I open my door.. at the last minute my brother descided to go so we took them to the usual spot and they ran around.. we then came home and I escaped back to my room I ended up watching "my name is Earl" for some odd reason but some parts were humorous... I began to clean and that made time fly and before I knew it my brother was coming in complaing about how he wanted to go to sleep.. I asked for 15 more minutes and he trudged off probably to tell.. but I finished and now Im here posting.. .. I still am unsure about putting a link on my other social networks.. but I dont know.. because some of the people I post about are on those.. maybe eventually they will see it.. but until then.. .

Endurance

Tonight's the night
For the sinners and the saints
Two worlds collide in a beautiful display
It's all love tonight -City on our Knees by TobyMac

So I havent posted on here for a while.. I have been meaning to but I keep forgetting to take a pic and then time flies by I am trying to really be committed on using pictures I took.


Today Is Sunday, Overall it was a great day.. super awesome weather ..
the morning started off with me waking up later than usual because I wasnt expected at church as early anymore.. but then I was asked if I could give a friend a ride so I agreed and hurried my shower and went to pick him up.. I arrived at church eager to attend my Young Adult class.. I have to say that I really enjoy Christina's teaching..She is a sorta new believer and she still has the spunk ... not saying people lose there holy spirit spunk.. haha. but she has such a joy about her and its contagious.. but anyways.. the class was on faithfulness.. toward the end we were asked what is a way we stay faithful to God.. simple right.. but for some reason I was unable to come up with an answer... not to mention I am starting to miss teaching.. I got hugs from a couple of my students and it made me miss it even more .. but I am still looking for guidance.. if you call what I was doing looking.. but im trying.. at break I ran into my Sister I was happy to see her there and her kids are always happy to see their uncle.. ha.. I love them so much.. . my neice complained about her new haircut, my nephew showed me his new vans that were the same as my brothers, and the littlest nephew was off talking .. after a while I was greeted by my youth friends .. we chatted till it was time for service.. I really like that we are singing modern songs for worship but its confusing because main worship leaders get mixed up and there timing is off.. and they up the tempo on some songs and it doesnt sound good.. but all minor. I still sing my heart out to My God .. the lesson was alright.. although I was daydreaming I took notes.. after church I had to meet with 3 people cause the had "something important to tell me".. when that was done I headed home and rested.. then my cousins came over and we chatted and they left so i Cleaned my room and rested more .. then it was time for night church... I like the idea but the worship is uncoordinated and it seems off.. oh and something I am noticing in the morning service is that its becoming a circus... one thing that gets to me is that the youth leader lets his daugter run around the pews.. cute but distracting.. we have a nursery ... also since I have been sitting on my own I notice the youth are very loud when talking during service.. and they are oblivious to everyone they are distracting.. but its whatever... today was good and I hope to get alot of things done..

Prodigal

(I didnt take this pic.. but I like it :p)


Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become


I cant think.. there is so much chaos going on I cant arrange my thoughts..
I used to be able to see people in struggle and know how to help but now I see so many people going through various trials and I dont even feel helpless.. its more of a stagnate Zombie feeling where I know I should do something..anything...but I just stand here .. wasting away.. wasting time .. wasting life.....People know little about me.. only what I let them see .. only what I create..to clarify I am not writing this for sympathy but for me to vent.... my life as of right now sucks.. because I am not where I should be according to the standards of the world.. according to someone who pointed it out today.. he said "you are old already .. you should have a girlfriend, your own place, and in college" .. I am very patient and I dont show it when something hurts me.. and I know this person is blunt.. but the rude blunt.. (if you read it sorry but you are).. I mean bluntness in itself isnt bad but its the way you use it.... . the only reason it hurt is because I KNOW!!!! its so freaking obvious I failed I am not in my 3rd year of college like im supposed to be .. I dont have my own place ... But first on the list a "girlfriend" It annoys me so how people think they must be in a relationship to feel complete.. I dont feel that way... I mean if I found the girl who makes me laugh and I know I could see in my life I would go for it.. but im not going to try and have a girlfriend just because of my age or what people say.. I dont want it not to work out and then just start again.. what does that say.. it was just fake love.. it was "Like" not "Love" thats just doesnt suit me.. and if I do find "the one" divorce is so high these days what makes me think mine would work out.. dont get me wrong I Only believe divorce is right when there is no other choice ie.abuse(physical,mental,verbal) then I can see because some people are monsters.. but when there are some that are over stupid reasons.. I see them as cowards.. first of all why the heck did you get married.. and how the heck do you fall out of love.. obviously it wasnt love.... Ugh I am going to cut that topic short because there are so many resources on how to find a Godly marriage but people rely on there own judgment which is probably the worst thing you can do (to some people).... ok but yea.. My education .. well it falls short... I mean I didnt pay that much attention in history.. I didnt strive to be in ap classes.. I technically dropped out of high school .. Got my GED.. as unorthodox as all that is... I am looked down on alot because I dont "act" my age.. and I guess I am not considered an Adult by some.. but whatever.. My personality is what God blessed me with.. I have been trying to run from that to please people.. but forget that.. I WILL LEAVE MY MARK... I will leave my mark on this world.. but not by my power... with God leading me it will amaze people because I know I am meant to do something big.. I can feel it.(as corny as that sounds) .. but I just know.. and it will be my best achievement to say .. "Through Christ all things are possible" ..

Laugh

So today I woke up ready for the day.. I had promised a ride to a friend named Zabdi and said we would get some starbucks because I needed caffeine I got my Mocha frappacino and we headed to the church
our church had an even called "Faithful Feet".. this is a regular thing we do each year when we join together with another church (Clovis Hills) and we invite the surrounding area with children to come and get free shoes for their kids .. it is definantly awesome being a volunteer.. you can wash feet, dry feet, help the kids try on the shoes.. so many things and every one that participated was more than happy to do any of these tasks.. although I didnt help as much as I should and I kept ditching on what my mom wanted me to do like "throw out the trash, stay after and clean, help bring in table.. I mean I would have helped with that but I had my own responsibilities.. but im sure I will hear about it.. anyway.. the day ran on and Me and my brother ended up at our friend Moises house .. we played rockband .. The caffeine had a super effect on me because after a day of running around doing favors and helping where I was needed. I was still hyper.. so I sang played guitar and drums.. I get pretty random when I play.. (even ask moi for those of you who read this and know who moi is).. haha... well we got home around 8 and from their I relaxed till it was time to take my shower and now I am ready for bed.. aaah. it was a good day and looking forward to tomorrow :D

Run this town

wow what a day well last night I was unable to sleep and I didn't want to succumb to the call of the NyQuil I ended up staying up till 5 .. well 4:45.. but regardless i was not looking forward to the next morning..I awoke to a sudden vibration I instantly knew someone was calling my cell so I squirmed to find the phone that was lodged somewhere between me and the mattress and the blankets .. I answered and it was Cesar(an assistant youth leader at my church) .. whenever I answer the phone when I had been sleeping I try my hardest to seem awake and cheery.. today was no different.. he needed a favor so I agreed and the call ended.. I was suprised to feel no fatigue at all .. so I jumped out of bed and headed for the computer my mom was awake and sorting her old mail and paperwork she greeted me with a good morning and I set to work getting the songs that cesar needed.. It turns out he was hired to be a dj at the 8-10 spot on a radio station and needed me to find some christian hip hop .. it was semi easy.. im not really a fan of rap so I just played by ear what people might like to hear.. it took me till 12 to get 26 songs.. I was midly satisfied then my phone rang and I seen on the caller ID it was my cousin sammy.. he was calling because he needed me to enroll him in a class .. he was super appreciative because his scholarship was at stake.. we talked awhile and the call ended.. I then dressed and talked with my mom about going to get fitted for some tuxes that me and my brother were going to wear for a quincenera we were invited to be in .. I waited till my brother got home and soon after we headed off.. Im glad we were the only people cause we were in and out.. it was elementary to me since I have been in many quinces .. but my brother.. well he had trouble putting on the shoes.. we both did agree they felt fake... soon we were headed home unable to decide what ice cream we wanted.. we then settled for slurpees.. I love to mix pepsi.banana, and cherry... I really want 7'11 to bring back the monster slurpee.. omgosh bomb..
when I got home I did some texting to promote cesars radio time and then got the urge to rearrange my room.. so as I had my door blockaded with my bed my brother knocked saying the phone was for me .. I squeezed as much as I could between the wall and the mattress to get the phone.. he had the corded phone so I was stuck there... it turned out to be my friend moises.. although I enjoyed our talk that lasted almost 25 minutes I was very uncomfortable in my position but I kept talking anyway.. 8o'clock rolled around and I was scrambling to find the radio station... I could not get it on any clock.. on my stereo .. so I left my room a disaster zone and headed for my car.. it was perfect.. we listened in and called to tell cesar hi.. I actually made another call pretending to be a guy named "joey" I was going to be "jpizzle" but i lost my train of thought when I heard the phone ring.. I made my voice slightly lower with bad grammar and I was sure Cesar didnt recognize me.. I feel bad because I came off as a non-believer and he invited me to church.. haha..
alas it was over and I took my shower and now its time for bed.. an energy filled day is in store for tomorrow.. cant wait.. :D

Tangle

My 20th post!! Wow already
I really like to blog now it's being able to write(type) about your day and organize things that you were thinking about at the moment

yesterday was pretty bland I was apathetic most the day and especially since the mail passed our house up .. It made me upset because I am waiting for my earphones .. The day lagged on and I found myself watching a movie called "the changeling" that movie is good after that it was already 3 and I took a nap. I then woke up when my neice and nephew were getting picked up and it was time for me to get ready for church. I descided I wanted to walk just because so I set off a little later then I wanted but I really wanted to walk and look for a good pic to take for my blog .. I took a couple early on but then forgot cause I was so caught up in my music .. Before I knew it I was at church and found out I got thee just as my class was starting so I was happy about that we had a good class although I was giving off an apathetic vibe so the teacher didn't chose me to read like she usually does .. After class I thought I be best to leave early because I was also walking home so there was no usual catching up but I didn't mind I got home and it was trash day so we did our thing and I then took usual shower then I come to find a little post it on the computer screen that said " no computer after 10:00 thank you" signed mom. .. I was kinda irked by that because I was sure my brother knew that "new rule" and was on until he knew I would not be able to get on .. I started to get mad but I took some nyquil and watched some tv until I was tired I then headed to sleep around 1 ...

So today I woke up super late I'm talking 1pm I'm pretty sure it's because I accidentally drank more nyquil than I was supposed to but I woke up today and at first I was groggy but then I had this surge of energy so I did a couple chores and did a sort of career guide to see what things interested me and looked up jobs that had the things I enjoyed I found a couple in each area .. Before I knew it my Brice and nephew were here and they there usual arguing and I helped my nephew with his homework and we watched tv until their mom came and picked them up.. Then I was told we had to smash all these plastic bottles and cans it's not really strainuos but the caps kept coming off and after we had to pick them up but we were working in dirt so it made it harder ..

A Million Voices

"Psalm 73 (My God's Enough)"
(feat. Todd Agnew)

I've had enough of living life for only me
And reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
So sick of envying the lives of so many I see
Somehow believing that they have what I need

Who have I in heaven but You
Nothing I desire but You
My heart may fail but not You
You are mine forever

Ok if you have never heard of the band "BarlowGirl" you are missing out.. they have so many awesome songs the band consists of 3 girls(women technically) but they have an awesome view on dating and relationships .. I have heard about it but I recently read this article by them http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/an-exclusive-interview-with-barlowgirl-1099.php I just posted the link cause it had more info then I care to put up cause it would clutter :p but one thing that stood out to me was this excerpt "Becca: One of the things that has definitely been on my heart of late as I've been reading Proverbs 31; actually 1 through 9. It's all about what a godly man is. So I've been praying for a Proverbs 31 man..once I read that I picked up the nearest bible to me (my brothers) and looked it up.. It also goes on to talk about a Godly woman .. alot of people might read it and take it as Anti feminist to look for those qualities in this time but obviously someone wouldnt fit all those qualities to a T(exactly) but the main thing the verse emphasizes is a Godly woman .. I really liked the verse about the guy because that chapter (proverbs 31) opens with characteristics of a Godly man mainly leadership.. but thats just something I encountered today that I will ponder ..

Ok so Today was spent well I did some chores and some research on some goals I might make.. it all depends on what happens in 2 weeks but anyway.. the day went on Nothing really exciting happened something that I am noticing is that my head is starting to fill with curse words.. I use to be able to say I dont curse at all but lately some words are stuck in my head so I am going to pray about that.. well today was a dud I will write in more detail of my day in the next post .. Good-night :D

Ebay

right now my head is a tornado.. I have songs playing, verses being spoken.. its like a war for my thoughts.. like which side would I spend time contemplating .. usually the song is catchy and I get stuck on that..

today is monday and I didnt get to right about yesterday so but it wasnt that interesting in the morning I was asked by my mom if i was going to wake up for church.. and I said I didnt feel like going.. but after I heard them leave I was struck with guilt.. (1)because I didnt tell my 1st and 2nd grade class that I would no longer their teacher.. and (2)my whole reason to stop teaching was to attend the young adults.. but that didnt happen . I got to church during break. I tried to keep my distance and sorta watched the youth who are also my friends..at first they didnt come over which was my goal .. I should have walked somewhere cause I was looking lonerish ... but I didnt mind at the time I felt good that I had my space and quiet.. although this well meaning boy who is attached to me was talking to meand as I was pretending to listen I was approached by Sarah she gave me the info on the ride and practice arrangements.. (Me and my brother agreed to be in her Quincenera/sweet 16 thing.. and I am used to it although I do feel that I will be the oldest umm.. oh Chambelan(spell error :D)but its for her so I dont mind..after she left I was approached by my usual crowd and we were talking and then the bell rang.. more than usual I think they were making it obvious that it was time but people didbt budge.. I started to make my way into the sanctuary and took my now usual seat by myself and I enjoyed that much.. but it is still causing a stir because its not normal of me to do that.. before I knew it service was over and I said my goodbyes and we headed to eat for my brothers b-day...it was nice.. my brother had requested a sleepover for his birthday so we had one and stayed up till 3.. sleep isnt usally on the list of things to do but .. the night consisted of tons of laughter.. im surprised we werent shooshed or anything.. .. we watched movies watched youtube videos and distorted peoples faces .. that was the funniest.... haha.. In the morning I felt I hadnt slept a wink and I could hear victor and saul beginning to wake.. before I knew it we were having breakfast and playing video games.. the day flew by and I drove everyone home.. I am glad I get to sleep peacefully now and I am off to enjoy my slumber .. :D

Tank top and b-ball shorts

I feel super comfy right now.. and am actually exhausted .... so I awoke today at my cousins in sanger from one of their dogs I felt him before he was inches away from licking my face.. but when I woke up it felt as though I didnt get any sleep at all .. so the day ran on we played around. cooked .. talked and drove around the town.. I was sure I wanted to come home but I ended up staying till 7 but it was fun.. when I got home I felt out of place.. I am so looking forward to getting my own place.. but noone was home which I was glad.. until I seen a case from a new Ipod touch.. my brother got one for his birthday since he lost his nano.. I was displeased for one.. because now we both have em..and 2.. he didnt take my advice on how easily the back scratches.. but what ev.. I am in an apathetic mood... I wonder if true maturity is finally setting in.. it feels more like zombie.. but i guess... so tommorow is sunday and I am debating whether or not I should sleep in since I dont have a class to teach....I am kinda glad about that but I didnt tell the kids I am not going to be there teacher so I think I might show up and tell the good-bye... for now I am doing no ministry but I know it wont last long because I cant stay stagnate for long... oh I heard this saying again and it always hits a cord with me.. it goes "to whom much is given, even more is expected".. and I feel that I was given alot and had alot of influence but I was stagnate in my personal relationship with christ and just let it go.. I am really interested in the path that is coming up I am just letting God lead the way .. .. well today wore on me alot and I am hoping for a deep slumber .. :D

The motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions"

that has to be one of my all time favorite songs... ok so i didnt blog yesterday because i was at my cousins and for some reason the internet went out.. but I actually feel glad I get to get to post again.. so yesterday was pretty lax.. I ordered some stuff for my ipod and am wating for those to come in the mail.. man I love ebay.. haha.. so I ended up going to my cousins house in sanger .. I always have fun there we ordered pizza and played games and talked .. my cousin is currently attending fresno state.. lucky him.. but 10 o'clock hit and I started to wonder how I was going to fall asleep.. so i watched tv till 12 and decided to just lie down and see what happened.. sleep came but only after I moved from the couch to the floor because the couch was making my neck hurt but i woke up like 4 times.. but eventually the morning came.. today was stressful.. I came home to take a shower and wait for my niece and nephew to get home and was going to head back to sanger. but things didnt go that way.. I am still currently waiting to go back but I hit another neutral state.. but I will be heading out in a few.. well I feel good that I vented.. im starting to like blogging. although I keep thinking what my close friends would say if they read it.. I know I got embarrassed because I knew a friend wanted to read my blog .. but shes cool and gave me encouragement on my blog .. so thanks.. you I think you know who you are.. lol!!

Emotions

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Casting Crowns Stained Glass Masquerade lyrics

So today was a blur I didn't feel like myself but that didn't stop the day .. I woke up at 8 suprisingly becuae I didn't go to sleep till 3am .. So I got up took my shower and then I finished downloading Stuff our computer had and that took much longer than nessasary because I was watching some interesting YouTube videos.. I was happy that I found a way to get all the music onto iTunes without syncing and erasing anything.. The day dragged on and I tried to be myself but was unable to shake this feeling of ...depression.. That's the only way I can think to explain how I felt .. But not in a sad sense more "who am I" the time for church was drawing near and I didn't want to go .. Then I had to lie down and listen to music to calm myself because my heart started beating rapidly and I started to think of my spiritual life .. My main thought was "since I am no longer a teacher I don't have to attend church anymore". I had no idea where that was coming from.. I was always sure of my salvation but I knew I wasn't always doing what I should .. Actually I wasnt doing anything to grow in my relationship with Christ .. Awhile back I felt my "fire" go down and didn't feel close to God. Although I know Just cause I dint feel him he isn't there .. But I could physically feel it the distance I had put between us .. But I am so numb I don't know if i care.. I have always been scared to tempt God and ask for a life changing experiace out of fear that he would take a family member .. And I feel our church lacks the holy spirit to actually feel the call to have a break down.. I do want my relationship back .. But I don't know where to start.. .. And just this second my question got an answer "on your knees". .. It's the putting it into practice that's the hardest.. Or it's just me making it harder then it needs to be.. For all you readers who have a relationship with Jesus I ask for prayer.. A little unorthodox but I'm lying here on my bed typing all this from my iPod .. Thanks ..

Virus

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
JONNY DIAZ - More Beautiful You lyrics


Well today was pretty interesting to say the least.. First I woke up at 7:30 .. Thats a first .. well im up earlier to get ready for church but I didnt expect to be up early so i got a jump start on laundry and cleaning then me and my mom had a long talk about everything thats going on from my sisters pendind divorce or my other sisters 3 year old computer freak .. and to my possible relocation(highly unlikely).. but it was good .. tearful but good :p.. after that I had to run errands which took me to a food store.. I always have my Ipod on when I shop alone so it wasnt differant today .. I was listening to my music and I began to notice that everyone in was going there own way its weird to observe people.. from the 1 second glances followed by a quick look away .. eye contact seemed forbidden in the store.. except for the high voiced cashier who i had no problem hearing even with 1 earbud on.. I came home and ate some 7 11 nachos .. pretty good and then they were raided once my niece and nephew arrived from school.. when they got picked up I was called to give a friend a ride to a band rehearsal they had so i abliged and got home.. but thats when the fustration started.. turns out I got a virus.. semi thankful its not a bodily . but tech virus.. on my computer.. it sucks badly.. luckily I blue screened once and nothing was lost... so now I am in the long process of saving valuable pictures and discarding ones that I dont need any longer.. I went from 14 gigs of documents to about 8 or 9.. yup it was hard to do but it needed to be done.. I know I wont be done till about 2 in the morning but I dont mind .. my computer is going to get wiped.. I liked the weather today .. and saw this doll looking baby.. semi creepy the way the mother let it sway in the carrier.. but anyways yea today was good :D