-Caution-

Today was a monday... enough said right.. I feel as if I am going to come down with a cold or something I pray I dont because I despise being sick... so I got up around 8 and turned on the tv and before I knew it I was alseep again but I woke up at 9 and descided to take a shower..I really wanted to stay in bed with the blinds closed enjoying the dark and coolness but I had stuff I had to do.. I made some calls and got some information ... I was online just surfing the internet and didnt notice the time till the phone rang and it was my friend moises asking for a ride home from school.. (his mom recently made him compensate me with gas money) so i was more then happy to get him .. we talked about school and other stuff we went to get my "official transcripts" I want to see them but they are sealed and void if opened and after that I dropped him off and headed home to find that my brother and niece and nephew were home from school .. then I got a call from an old friend and had fun talking to her but I started getting a headache so I lay incapacitated in my bed .. my niece and nephew were picked up and time went by .. I got a call from saul(a youth from church.. kinda friend).. but he needed help connecting a ps3 to wifi.. and it was unusually hard because I had to explain and walk him through it on the phone and that made my headache worst.. I took a shower and actually feel tired and am sitting here looking like a zombie while my fingers hit the keys .. so another day gone forever looking forward to tommorow.. oh and by the way.. I just wanted to clarify the opening to my last post was lyrics to "casting crowns" song "Altar and the door" a personal favorite.

Apathetic

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong way traveling, slowly unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right
Here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done
My heart is broken

As I cry
Like so many times before
But my eyes
Are dry before I leave the floor
Oh Lord, I try
But this time, Jesus, how can I be sure
I will not lose my follow-through
Between the altar and the door?

Here at the altar
Oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right


today was a very off day for me.. I woke up like 3 times during the night once at 3:30 am then at 5a.m. and then again at 6.. I was really looking forward to this new alarm app i downloaded because it lets you wake up to a song of your choosing and I even hooked it up to my stereo and put it at a decent volume .. but unfortunately somehow the stereo was turned off .. but I was awake to notice my alarm was not about to go on.. I also set my phone just in case... but I always forget to change the p.m to a.m .. so yea.. well I got up got ready and headed off to church awe fully early because I wanted to clean my sunday school room and then had a meeting at 9 to discuss my resignation .. many people were suprised to hear the news and some were only thinking how they couldnt ditch and be late to class anymore because they couldnt hide im my room.. . but regardless I feel I made the right decision and my lesson today proved it.. it was the most bland teaching I have ever done.. I mean the lesson plan itself was good but it was me.. I had no spirit.. I was bland.. so I rushed through and got to the craft.. and before I knew it .. it was over.. my last time teaching... for now anyway.. .. break at church was ok.. little interaction because Jose(one of the youth and friend) wanted me to bluetooth him some songs.. it didnt work and by the time we figured that out service was starting so I walked up to the pew I usually sit in.. Worship is always weird to me because when they are off or going to fast because the lead singer wants to sing a verse again throws them off .. then I started to feel it... I got lightheaded .. then the dizziness came.. and then the shorter breathes.. I wanted to sit alone but didnt want to make a commotion so I looked for an out to get to a pew to myself.. I finally acted as if i needed a bulletin and went but got to my pew.. Im glad no one asked why because I couldnt explain it.. but I was happy... I really dont remember what the sermon was about.. I know it was about evangelism but its a blur... church was over and I drove home.. I stayed in my room a majority of the time watching tv and snacking on this and that.. before I knew it my brother was calling saying how he needed a ride home... of course I was sent.. but i took my sisters car.. .. blah blah I got them got home and didn't even realize I was about to take some "sleep aid" so i drank it down and said "last time" .. the effects ha vent kicked in unfortunately.. but I await the dreams my subconscious have in store..

Who am I

"Don't know anything at all,
Who am I to say you love me,
I don't know anything at all
And who am I to say you need me" Who am I : Hope


Today must have been the most unproductive day of my week .. its Saturday so i guess thats ok.. and I did clean my room and wash clothes.. the day couldn't be over fast enough .. well I let it slip that my "sleep aid" was actually nyquil to my mom and she reacted as i thought and brought up my aunt nancy who has many problems.. but seems to be getting better.. I also have to apologize for all the spelling errors and bad grammar & punctuation..but this is my blog and I will write as it comes.. :P ... the rest of the day consisted of me playing on my ipod and watching tv.. I feel I have so much energy that went unused I am sure I wouldnt be able to sleep.. but tonight should be the last night of the "sleep aid".. because i have to be up early tommorow for church.. . ooh today I watched "why did I get married" again.. ugh that movie always gets to me.. but the lessons that can be learned are so awesome.. Marriage has been corrupted and it seems hopeless to even consider it.. I always tell myself that no matter what.. divorce is not an answer for me .. but what if my wife is set on it and there is nothing stopping her... its kind of worrying.. but no need as of right now.. :D.. todays blog will be a short one.. and I was lazy today so i didnt even get to take a picture ..but i really like this one from photobucket so I will use it..

Nyquil

wallets in back pockets get terribly uncomfortable..

Today was an alright day I watched "sweeny todd the demon barber".. i Really like the actress from there.. the afternoon flew by maybe because I felt out of it today .. Before i knew it the clock struck 3:00 and the phone rang .. i was installing some memory on my sisters computer when moises called and asked if he could visit .. I said yes and went to go pick him up..when I arrived at the school I was pleased that he wasnt there waiting because i wanted to walk the campus...Sunnyside was where I spent my unproductive but fun freshman year.. the campus always reminded me of a high security jail from appearance.. and back then there was a reason for it .. haha.. after I only made it to the front gate when I was snapped out of my trip down memory lane. So me and moises got in the car and drove to my house where we talked about his new guitar..(lucky).. but it was fun.. I had also planned to go to the movies and moises asked to tag along.. so we met up with 2 more people and went to see "the final destination" .. it was an ok movie.. grusome to say the least but the 3d was really cool .. although it did make my head hurt.. not to mention I skipped breakfast and lunch.. but that wasnt something new.. .. so we got out of the theatre and I dropped everyone off.. one of the perks of being the designated driver.... when I got home my mom told me my friend julia called and needed a ride .. i was reluctant at first and tried to avoid the texts and calls.. until I was caught in a myspace im.. I finally gave in but was happy i was getting atleast a little gas money.. I had expected she forgot my birthday but i didnt rub it in her face as she would have done.. . I took a long detour and passed CSU.. o how I wish I could attend there.. .. I finally made it home .. eghaisted... so im going to shower and then to sleep.. hopefully good dreams await :)

Vans

"I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears"
I really like to listen to music .. it soothes, calms, excites, depresses, and uplifts you .. it just depends on what you listen to.. I consider myself eclectic.. I like all types of music.. and I like how when lyrics to a song hit just right and bring realization....


I had a dream last night.. its was pretty random.. these things that looked like huge containers were exploding and people felt them and wanted to be upclose when the one we were closest to was next to explode..I yelled for them to get back because obviously its an explosion but they didnt listen.. only a few.. so the thing blew up and some guys arm was blown off... it was pretty graphic(I blame the sleep aid) .. but it was pretty weird..

Today was simple.. the medicine made me drowsy and I stayed asleep longer than I wanted..before I knew it my niece and nephew were knocking and my brother was home and my day was wasted.. ..I had to get shoes today and I take forever to make up my mind and then end up regretting my choice and today was no different.. I got red vans.. I mean i really like red but I dont have that many red clothing items.. but I think they are growing on me... I think the highlight today was I found myself stare flirting.. It was this girl in the shoe store(vans) she looked nice and we kept smiling at each other.. my brother and neice and sister were there and my nephew was making a scene so I didnt get a chance to strike up conversation.. although we did alot of smiling at each other(not as creeper as it sounds.. one of those you had to be there things... after that.. got home did yardwork and ate pizza.. ugh .. its true.. when you miss a meal you tend to overindulge and today was proof.. ugh i still full .. overall today was good tommorow should be better ..

Sweet Dreams or a Beautiful Nightmare

So my blog post steak ended yesterday because I took some sleep aid.. I actually had a good night although my pillow somehow were everywhere.. Today went by pretty quick In the morning I had to get my neice and nephew out of school and take them to meet my sister. I once again had to talk to the rather rude receptionist.. on the first occasion I had to drop off a key for my niece and it never reached her and on this occasion she made is seem as if what I asked of her was alot she wasnt doing anything anyway and all she had to do was call the class rooms .. but I finally was out of there .. went to target to wait for my sister and when she came I went straight home.. Our internet was being retarted so I went to play with the dogs and in the next hour my niece were back from school because they had been taken back after their appointment.. but we watched tv and laughed about random stuff.. like how my nephew thought a "blouse" was a "bra" ..haha.. hours passed and it was time for church I wasnt going to go but I went in prayer that God would show me something .. It was actually a very good study and I learned alot.. now if someone askes me "why was hell made" it was made for satan and his angels not intended for people but when people dont put their faith in God its thats where they are destined for.. and If they say "why would a "loving" God send people to hell".. and the answer to that is He doesnt send people .. he gives everyone a choice its either one or the other.. there isnt a middle cause your either with God or not.. We also talked about satans influence on the world and how his home isnt im hell he is roaming the earth doing his job which is decieving and destroying.. .. after church was pretty funny.. I unintentionally hit this girl with a bag of her clothes .. she was nice enough to not hit me.. (sorry lauren).. I talked to people and then headed home.. now I am here waiting for my sleep aid to take effect ... ugh I forgot to take a picture for this.. I have actually seen what could have been good pictures. owell maybe next time.. .. well thanks for reading :P

Photography

One of my hobbies is to take pictures and I like to see other peoples photos .. Photography is awesome to me..I am not a pro with a camera but in my next posts i will put up some pictured I have taken .. I got the Idea from "sarahfreak" who picks awesome pictures for her blog posts Im sure she wont mind :p

222

I know my Title's are random but I just look at something and type the first word I see.. in case you were wondering.. whoever you are.. haha.. So Today was interesting... I was woken up by my brother who woke up late and was rushing noisily trying to get ready for school. So I decided to get up once he was gone I got up, showered and checked my social networking sites.. myspace facebook ect. and I thanked the people that sent me birthday comments. after that I searched online for some clothes and went to actually purchase some.. I like the mall when it is less packed then usual and at this time it was because a lot of people were in school so i did my shopping..I was listening to my ipod like i always do when im walking alone so it prevented me from hearing this woman that was asking me if i needed assistance I guess she had asked several times because when I actually noticed her she frowned and walked off.. I found some humor in that.. :p... but I actually had a weirder encounter.. as I was walking I noticed a guy that seemed to be staring.. but I didnt want to think of myself as conceited so I pushed the thought out of my head.. that is until I noticed he followed me into 2 stores.. and not in the coincidental way .. creepee i thought when he actually came up to and began to talk he said "do I know you from somewhere" and I didnt not know him so i said I dont know.. he then proceeds to ask if i was at "deja vu" on friday night..and having friends with gay friends I actually knew that the place he mentioned was a Gay bar .. I smirked and said.. um no I have never been there(because im straight) so he says "oh sorry" .. there was a couple second of silence and then he says.."would you like to go to my place" I was shocked about how forward this guy was so i said "sorry im umm sraight" and said i had to go so I walked away at a faster pace.. I then began to remember all the Gay guys that have made a pass at me and wondered why.. haha..It must be the nice vibe i give off... i dont know but i was weirded out.. I would also like to mention that I have nothing against Gay people.. I dont agree with the ways... but there people and They deserve as much respect as anyone.. .. so as the say ran on I came home and tried on my stuff I started watching a movie called "why did i get married" .. that movie is soooo good.. i get goosebumps on alot of parts of the movie its a really awesome movie..

My birthday

Well today was my actual birthday my other post was posted on the 22 so I wanted to keep the updating on a streak. Today started pretty good I wasn't sure I was going to go to church but I did I was awaken by my mom shaking the bed telling me happy birthday that was nice haha but I got up showered and was ready for whatever the day had in store. I teach 1st and 2nd graders which I'm pretty acustomed to but I found out the kindergarden teacher was out so I took her class of 3 kids as usual but today the kids seemed to be on some kind of super sugar because they were crazier than usual I had a kid spill the beans... Literally because we had a craft in which we had to make bean bags... Then the kids started throwing beans .. It was horrible I didn't even touch on the lesson but regardless I was releiced when I heard the bell luckily I had the kids clean so I was left with minor clean up so as I expected my day was full of happy birthday wishes and hugs which I didn't mind much after all service was good and before I knew it church was over so I evaded people and walked to my car and drove home I didn't notice I was starving till my mom asked if I wanted to go out to eat but I declined and opted for Chinese food cause I love orange chicken so I ate till content and watched tv and took a small nap but had to be up because the Sunday school teachers had a meeting so I went to that and when it was over I ended up being sang to and we had some Cake .. Luckily my friend Jose was there so he kept me grounded an I had someone to laugh with.. Now the day is over and I am even closer to death ..not to sound pessimistic I haven't feared death but being 21 does have a sting of responsability.. I have heard "glad your not at the clubs drinking" all day today .. Not exactly In that way but it was implyed .. Another day gone and the world didn't stop so I'm looking foward to being productive this week.. I got some huge descions to make and I am looking to Gods guidance .

Birth-day

Ok so in about 2 minutes i will be 21 years old , I like how we are taught that God already had out lives mapped out to experience life to the fullest. I know sometimes well for me anyway.. that the "Christian Way" doesnt seem as fun as some other things there are.. but in actuallity .. everything that is not Godly is a mere illusion.. put in our paths to blind us and distract us. I always get "thought blocked".. (where I dont understand something so I just say owell) well I always do that when I think of how many times I have strayed off of Gods path.. I can imagine me on a straight path just one side to the other..simple.. and God tells me.. ok go this way.. and I start to walk.. but before I know it.. i see something shiny off to the side of the path .. and I stray.. then i realize that i am no longer on Gods path..or I run into a hill and think its some huge mountain when to God its actually an ant hill so I ask for forgivness and ask God to lead me again.. and God being patient forgets my sins as if they never happened and we start again.. .. Psalms 103:12 I love that verse and Casting crowns song "East to West"

Ok so Today was pretty fun .. I was woken up by the phone ringing and it was the AT&T service tech.. said he was going to stop by.. he did and did his thing and our internet is up.. its pretty much the same but Youtube videos load slow. and thats not to fun but owell.. So at 12 I went to pick up my friends they recently came back from mexico and we hadnt hung out in a while . .. so the day consisted of Rockband and 711.. haha.. the lowlight of the day was when my parents pulled up into the driveway .. and we all freaked because I wanted to move the games to my room but we were to late so we ran around crazy trying to get stuff out of the living room.. it wasnt a big deal but my step dad opened the door as me and elly(friends sister) were putting the chairs back.. we were done and gathered around the computer ... and then my step dad tells me "you know that just teaches people to be sneaky".. and i was like.. that wasnt my intention but whatever (this was in my head of course).. but then he goes on to tell my mom in spanish something about us... and me and my brother dont know spanish but my friends do so I told him "you know thats rude because just because we dont know spanish they do " and its funny cause God is showing me how prideful he really is because instead of taking it in consideration he called me rude and got in his normal "Troll" mood.. .. its anooying because he acts so differant at church then at home... but thats another story .. maybe to tell my future therapist.. haha j/k.. (although i have nothing against that).. but after that I stayed on the internet and then took a shower.. and now I am dreading what tommorow will bring..

Crimson

Day 3 actually update.. haha Ok so today was oddly stressful .. I was awoken by my mother who asked me to help my step-dad move this huge piece of metal thats for a shed.. so I went out half dazed and did so I was oddly lazy today.. more so then usual, I didnt take my usual morning shower that gets me ready for the day and ended up watching the movie "sicko" it was pretty deep and thought provoking. So the day pressed on and the at&t guy came and did his thing and turns out they have to do some other matinence on some wires.. whatever.. we still have comcast as of now so its cool with me..lol!
After that I was sent to get dinner and came back and was called to come to the church because there was a concert and my friends got there early and were bored .. so I went.. I felt bad because there were hardly any people but after a while there was a good turn out... the band was awesome I did some Jumping it was funny cause so did my mom and step-dad .. but overall it was a good concert. .. I also have descided to take this blog into a new direction along with the meaning less blabber about my rather boring day I will also add a blessing or miracle God gave me or maybe just something that was revealed to me ..I know he most likely sends alot and im grateful but I will write the one that sticks out the most. Todays was during the concert when a girl thenically woman from the church sang 2 songs one of which was "more love, more power" there was a part where the song goes "and I will worship you with all of my heart, and I will worship you with all of my mind... then Strength. well I was singing along cause I really like that song.. but then I felt a nudge .. it was like..God saying "are those just words to you" and it was opening my eyes to see that even though I felt that it was ok that I havent read my bible in a long while satan is blocking the importance of that.. I have heard once that of you dont meet up with satan atleast once in your day then maybe he actually has you where he wants you and you arent a threat to him ..... I really like this song made by "Barlow Girl" called "Psalm 73" ..I like to read that verse when I feel myself slipping.

Whoops

well Today is actually the 20th .. and the last post was technically posted on the 20th to but it was to early to actually do anything.. So today I finally awoke from a coma like sleep. I say that because I woke up at 11:45 with the intention of getting up early but i didnt hear either of the 2 alarms I had set. I started the day with a shower and then found out that my brother did not take out he trash cans like he said he would so they didnt get picked up .. that annoyed me until the phone started ringing off the hook with people that wanted to talk to my mom or my step dad .. i finally turned off the ringer and let them all to voice mail before I knew it my neice and nephew were home from school and I helped with homework.. I actually didnt have to google any words this time to be sure of the answers haha.. but the highlight of the day was to be suprised by a call from my mom to say they were around the corner from the house. it was a suprise to me because i wasnt expecting them until saturday (they were in New Mexico for 2 weeks) but as I did a super speed run through to make sure I wouldn't get scolded for anything they pulled up. I actually didnt hear a word thank God. So the day went on and I finished a book ate watermelon and texted. now I am ready for my shower and tommorows concert!

Canon

Today, the 20th of August.. ugh this moth flew by and the dreaded day is 3 days away .. Today I woke up at 10:45 .. and was upset cause I wanted to be up at 6.. yea right... so i started on cleaning .. cause since my parent were out of town the house is not looking to good.. not to mention my neice and nephew coming over and leaving a trail of mess wherever they travel .. at around 1:00 I took my dogs for a walk and I always notice how these particular people always stare.. and today was no different..One guy I knew for a fact was in a local gang (I do admit I dont live in the safest part of fresno but I dont get worried in the slightest.. for the safty of my family.. well thats another story). but he asked what kind of dog I had and I replied Labrador and he went on smoking his foul smelling cigarette so I Continued my walk. So anyway the day went on .. 6pm came up and I decided not to go to church .. and cleaned and rearranged my Room .. The Tv was on in the backround, it was a movie called "Ella Enchanted" starring Anne Hathaway (I couldn't find the remote so i just left it) there was a Scene where Anne aka "Ella" was singing and it sounded good but you could tell it was a voice over I watched as her lips were timed with the song and wondered if any digital sound enhancing was needed in that scene. My Brother and sister returned from church and I was done cleaning. today was well spent and every hour brings my closer to the dreadful day ..