Prodigal

(I didnt take this pic.. but I like it :p)


Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become


I cant think.. there is so much chaos going on I cant arrange my thoughts..
I used to be able to see people in struggle and know how to help but now I see so many people going through various trials and I dont even feel helpless.. its more of a stagnate Zombie feeling where I know I should do something..anything...but I just stand here .. wasting away.. wasting time .. wasting life.....People know little about me.. only what I let them see .. only what I create..to clarify I am not writing this for sympathy but for me to vent.... my life as of right now sucks.. because I am not where I should be according to the standards of the world.. according to someone who pointed it out today.. he said "you are old already .. you should have a girlfriend, your own place, and in college" .. I am very patient and I dont show it when something hurts me.. and I know this person is blunt.. but the rude blunt.. (if you read it sorry but you are).. I mean bluntness in itself isnt bad but its the way you use it.... . the only reason it hurt is because I KNOW!!!! its so freaking obvious I failed I am not in my 3rd year of college like im supposed to be .. I dont have my own place ... But first on the list a "girlfriend" It annoys me so how people think they must be in a relationship to feel complete.. I dont feel that way... I mean if I found the girl who makes me laugh and I know I could see in my life I would go for it.. but im not going to try and have a girlfriend just because of my age or what people say.. I dont want it not to work out and then just start again.. what does that say.. it was just fake love.. it was "Like" not "Love" thats just doesnt suit me.. and if I do find "the one" divorce is so high these days what makes me think mine would work out.. dont get me wrong I Only believe divorce is right when there is no other choice ie.abuse(physical,mental,verbal) then I can see because some people are monsters.. but when there are some that are over stupid reasons.. I see them as cowards.. first of all why the heck did you get married.. and how the heck do you fall out of love.. obviously it wasnt love.... Ugh I am going to cut that topic short because there are so many resources on how to find a Godly marriage but people rely on there own judgment which is probably the worst thing you can do (to some people).... ok but yea.. My education .. well it falls short... I mean I didnt pay that much attention in history.. I didnt strive to be in ap classes.. I technically dropped out of high school .. Got my GED.. as unorthodox as all that is... I am looked down on alot because I dont "act" my age.. and I guess I am not considered an Adult by some.. but whatever.. My personality is what God blessed me with.. I have been trying to run from that to please people.. but forget that.. I WILL LEAVE MY MARK... I will leave my mark on this world.. but not by my power... with God leading me it will amaze people because I know I am meant to do something big.. I can feel it.(as corny as that sounds) .. but I just know.. and it will be my best achievement to say .. "Through Christ all things are possible" ..